Vaustau's Cannibal

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"You found one?" Jose didn't answer. Instead his fingers wildly typed in computer commands faster than you could read the words on the screen. "They're half a world apart I'll bet." "Nope. They're both in LA." "It's an exact match?" "You turn the fuckin thing upsidedown, and the guys her exact opposite." "That's impossible." "Theoretically." "Have you shown this to Jim?" "No. I just got the data lastnite." And Jose's fingers continued to type.. frantically. Then he was distracted by Derik, who instead of groping over his shoulder, reached for the phone. "What you're going to call him?" "Are you kidding?" "It's 12 o'clock at nite!" "He's going to want to know this. You should have called him about it yesterday." And Jose shrugged the politics off like it were nothing.

"Jim? Yah we got a match.. A match! The Vaustau match.." And Derik started laughing. "Lastnite.. Jose's working on it right now! .. I'm not kidding buddy. He's got two people that meet the exact criteria.. hold on." Then he spoke to Jose. "Give me a hard copy.. Yah! Just a minute.. Give me a hard copy!" "It's printing!" And Jose, frustrated, went back to work while Derik rushed toward the printer.

"I got it. Her name is Jesse Alverez. His name is.. Is this right? Adolf Holtsteddler."

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"What the fuck is this?" "Nice to see you too, buddy."

Jim sat opposite his friend Ullie, and corporate CEO of eMatch.com, a computer assisted dating service. One of the largest in the country. Behind his big giant distinguished desk and plush office trim was a man he went through college with knowing fool well what a geek he was. "You asked me if I wanted something.." And he slapped his hands on his thighs. "Well? This is it. Consider it an investor's interest."

Ulle read through the file unusaully curious. "You want me to put these two people together.." And Jim nodded. "Why?" But Jim was reluctant to say. "Scientific interest.." He said coyley. "Look.." And Ulle threw the file on his desk. "When I said you could use our data, I didn't mean it was for some weird scientific experiments. You can't use my customers like labrats." "What are you talking about?" And Jim gave him that look like he was crazy that he always did. That always convinced him. "Labrats? I'm talking about matching these two people to get them out on a date. Not no labrats." He said sarcastically. "Why?" "Their characteristics interest me." "Why?" "It's scientific.. Sociology. C'mon buddy.. You asked me when I first invested in this crazy outfit if there was anything you could do in return." "Yah. Give you access to my biometric database. Which I did." "Not just access. This!" "I'll run their routines thru the computer and see if they.." "I already did that. They match."

Despite Ullie's business genius, he was a pushover. Especially with his close friends. He let himself go too much.. did crazy things.. Made himself vulnerable to suggestions. When Jim left his office he left it the way he always did: Getting exactly what he wanted.

And 600 miles away, an eMatch.com computer was matching two people who, according to a world renowned geneticist and forerunner in Genetic Theory: Vaustau, were complete and total human genetic opposites. Not in the personality way.. or the spiritual way.. or even the psychological way. In the Genetic way. Two people who nature specifically said in their DNA code were one and it's opposite.

Vaustau's Cannibals..

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Two people could not have been more mis-matched. She sat there stiring the ice in her drink, while Adolf ("My God.." She thought. "Adolf?") talked endlessly about his theories in computer science at UCLA. There was nothing sexy about the man. Pot bellied and unusaully white. While she had this all-around perfect tan. Her hangout was the beach, while his the soft white light of a computer lab. But there was something unusaul about the man. A sense. Like a wind. A feeling of angst. A sense of knowing him already, that she couldn't help but to be curious about. He, on the other hand, didn't sense anything except the usaul "beautiful woman" he'd always seen before and always had bad luck with. Adolf was even kind of withdrawn from it. Somewhere along his adult life coming to the conclusion that change was an impossibility for him. It was all her. And as the night ended, the decision was coming closer and closer to it's finality. Would she or would she not invite him in.

She closed the door at first saying no. But something changed her mind. That sense. That wind that all of a sudden disappeared. She opened her door, and invited him into her bed. And it was there that Vaustau's Theory was to come to complete fruition.