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  #46  
Old 07-07-2014, 8:05 PM
SlaveRon SlaveRon is offline
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I understand very much why you would think suspect an unreality to this as I don't think u can imagine something like this happening or someone being treated like this. I too have never heard of someone else living like this or being treated so harshly as a live in slave so it stands to reason. Unfortuabtley for my sake it is all very true though.
Don't get me wrong I am deeply obsessed and in love with this woman but the punishment and lifestyle has become more than I bargained for. I wish it was easy to just leave but it is more complicated than that. In any case thanks for the feedback and comment. Always looking for guidance suggestion feedback or any comments.
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  #47  
Old 07-08-2014, 12:34 AM
davidmuleguy davidmuleguy is offline
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SlaveRon, over the last few days I have been reading your account of your live-in slave life and there is an air of credibility to it that I find very disturbing.

Now, come on, Ron. Things have gotten way out of hand here, haven't they?

I notice you keep asking for guidance suggestion feedback. spankme1 invited you to get in touch with him about your situation and maybe you should take him up on his kind offer of help.

Your 2-year 'contract' with your mistress expired a while back, and maybe that was your one and only chance to try and improve conditions for yourself. But things have gone too far for any of that now.

The woman you have devoted yourself to doesn't sound like one to compromise, so even the idea of a renegotiation of better 'service' terms with a new contract with her is very probably a non-starter: it's all, or nothing.

Being willing (even desiring) to suffer for your mistress's pleasure, is one thing. But ... Ron, your mental and physical health are in jeopardy. Real damage is being done to you.

It's like you are bewitched by this woman. But if you could only gather yourself to just walk away from her maybe the spell you are under would finally be broken.
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  #48  
Old 07-08-2014, 7:47 PM
SlaveRon SlaveRon is offline
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Dmuleguy thanks for the feedback. This is some reasonable advice and I've been thinking the same that if I did leave maybe it would be difficult the beginning but after a sometime I would feel relieved and happy with my decision? Maybe similar to any break up with a girlfriend or wife if that is what you are saying?

It's just that I have been doing this for so long now it's hard to imagine a life without her: And I'm sure it sound crazy but I am truly in love and obsessed with her despite the torture.Yes I know she is not in love with me. I know this. I do. And she is using me for service and because it makes her life easier and because it fills her sadisitic desires and fantasies. Yes it is a very bad situation in this way. And I had always been aware that she gets off controlling and torturing but I have grown to realize that she is perhaps just as obsessed with torturing me as I am obsessed with her. That is maybe why I believe she has kept me around? I mean she really loves to see me cry, suffer, shake uncontrollably, beg, and scream in severe pain at a level way beyond any roleplay, bedroom play, femdom and all this. She can have any man in the word and any man would do anything to be with her so why me? Well I am not by any means the good looking successful man she can have, but she can control me and beat me to insanity and there is a desire and fetish that she can fill with me right?
To be honest I have always held
back from detailed description and talking about some of the extreme tortures because I do not know if if is appropriate for this site and the reAders but really I am serious there are torturtes so severe I am hesitant to share with anyone because l think it may be too much to stomach.

But on a positive note I want to mention that she does understand very well how to inflict pain without causing permanent damage, at least physically speaking. So I don't think you or other readers to be concerned about this. It's not like she is so reckless with punishments that I am scared she will kill me or something. It's not that. Really. She is always aware and understands how to inflict pain and suffering without injuring me in a critically dangerous way. Yes I do have a lot of scars and perhaps living in shackles has also caused some physical problems too, but i dont think it is life threatening. I admit there have been some beatings where I almost passed or did pass out actually but she does keep me hydrated, sterilizes the whips and punishment devices, cleans my wounds, bathes me and keeps me fed enough not to starve to death or basically die. The severe punishments are also administered over long periods of time so yes they are excruciatingly painful and feel like slow death but they are less likely to injure me in a way that I can't recover from when administered like this. My back and body has been ripped apart and shredded so badly at times that I have wondered if I will be permanently damaged or visibly damaged or something but except for the scars I don't think I'm damaged really. I do understand that punishments like this are for my benefit and intended to keep order and discipline so I understand why it she has administered but it is really not easy to endure. My screaming has gotten so bad over the years that she forced me to soundproof the basement.
But she does really take great care and precautions in punishing me without putting me in a medical emergency situation. It is quite amazing how skilled she is with this to the point that I think she was truly put on earth to torture. Yes it is brutal, painful and horribly terrifying to be punished by her. She has an innate way of disciplining and enforcing rules and punishment that I don't think anyone could ever have. I mean she is always relaxed, clam, eloquent, sexy and almost always in a good mood even when punishing me. She does not usually get angry or upset as there is no reason to. She knows there is nothing she can't have from me or make me do and she can have whatever she wants so it stands to reason why she does not have to raise her voice or get angry.
I must admit some of the whips used are so painful and they draw blood with every lash. Cat O nine tales so painful I often have nightmares about the beatings with this whip. Yes the pain can release endorphins and there are times the pain is so bad it feels good... almost like a rush of ecstasy and pleasure but generally it is downright painful. And the other issue led is living in fear which is emotionally and pyshcologically difficult.

Just to quickly give an example about this... It was just the other night that I had been fortunate to have sex with my mistress, which is not very often. But this was only after being whipped for some time and the agreement was going to beat me after sex more, but the length and severity of punishment would depend on how much she enjoyed thensex. Well I had already been whipped to the point of extreme pain and tears before sex and I was so terrified of more punishment after sex that I cried and begged her the entire time I was having sex with her. I mean it was a pathetic mess of some sort you could not even imagine... I was hysterical crying like a baby just saying "please I beg you not to beat me more. Please" Schackeled, Sweating like raw meat and so distracted and terrified by the thought of more punishment that it really did interfer with the sex. The thing is I am sure most people are thinking... How pathetic, can't you just suck it up and hold it together? No I can never hold it together. If I know I am going to be punished I am Always crying and begging immediately now. There is no light punishment. Every punishment given is to discipline and send a message, correct me, force me into more submission, remind of my goal to serve and be better slave. And with foot massages and worship and my role as her foot slave I can not explain how important this is. Failure to serve her feet properly will end in such severe pain I would rather die. After years of this type of punishment I can not not even rub her feet without shaking and sobbing sometimes she has to remind to calm down and focus on the massage or she will beat me. But no one can understand what a bad foot massage can lead to.... Whippings and hours of torture to my nipples, canings, weeks and nights spent in the basement. I can not explain all this. When I hold her feet in my hands and rub her feet my life practically depends on it. I had always been obsessed with her feet. There is nothing more divine and beautiful in the entire world than her feet, but I spent so many hours Crying and begging her at her feet that a can not practically control the fear at all anymore.
So I am off talking about all these other things now and off onto all this but I mention it all for good reason. Perha it better explains some of my fear and why I am like this. But I realize it is off topic and does not address the real concern of how to mentally accept leaving and how to handle all this. It is a good thought that overtime I may initially feel better for having left and I try to hang onto this. So thanks for the comment and anyone else listening here I am glad to have this website for sharing some things.

Ron
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  #49  
Old 07-27-2014, 9:21 PM
dolphin20pl1 dolphin20pl1 is offline
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You certainly live a very interesting, if not difficult life, Ron. I must ask though, as she sees you as little more than a slave/belonging, I am assuming that she enjoys sex with other men? If so, has she ever revealed your situation to those men at all, and how do they react to it?
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  #50  
Old 07-29-2014, 7:10 PM
SlaveRon SlaveRon is offline
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Originally Posted by dolphin20pl1 View Post
You certainly live a very interesting, if not difficult life, Ron. I must ask though, as she sees you as little more than a slave/belonging, I am assuming that she enjoys sex with other men? If so, has she ever revealed your situation to those men at all, and how do they react to it?
She is very much engaged in dating and of course sex with other men. With the exception of one longer relationship with a boyfriend most of the men she has dated the last few years have been causal and have not been around very long. I do know the boyfriend she had knew something more closely in line with the truth about me but what exactly he knew I do not know. I am fairly certain all the other men she has dated for shorter periods of time did not know anything. They knew I existed and lived here but I have no idea what they were told. My guess would be a friend or relative staying with her. Possibly even a live in butler or house worker but really I am unsure.

Most times I am given fair warning when she is going to be coming home with someone she is dating and my instructions are to always stay out of the way which goes without saying. Many times I am asked to leave the house entirely until I get a text to come back. Other times she will tell me a particular time she will be coming back which means I should be up in my room with the door shut far in advance. Fortunately my room and corner of the house is quite aways away from all the other rooms of the house, so I do not have to worry much about running into someone but still I am not allowed to leave my room at all when she has a male guest in the house.

There were a couple instances I had been caught off guard and was not aware she was bringing anyone back and was introduced as "Ron" which of course was very awkward to say the least. I had no idea what she had told them what to say and was scared they would begin asking questions which I'd answer conflictive to what she has told them. Luckily I made some small talk and got out rather quickly knowing this is what is of expected of me in a situation like this. Had I screwed up or said anything not to her liking there is no question I would have been punished very severely so I am very lucky their was no problem.

But truthfully I am comfortable with it that she does not want other men to know about my true role in her life and i really do not want to be around them either. When I first moved in we had some discussions about her dominating me in front of her female friends (which she does quite often) but it was decided this would not go on in front of her male friends. I have no interest in being in that situation so it works out but I had no say in the matter as everything has always been entirely up to her and she can do virtually anything she wants.

Nonetheless it has still been a major challenge and quite frankly pretty hard to see other men coming and going. Not only is it odd not knowing what she is telling them about me but it really does hurt to see her in these relationships. She has recently been getting serious with some successful investment banker she has been dating now for several months and any day now could be my last as I am sure she will ask me to leave if it continues to progress. I have no idea what he thinks I am doing here but I suspect I will get some direction from my mistress on what to say soon as it has gotten to this point. There have been many nights he has stayed the night and I have been in my room all night knowing they are likely having sex which is incredibly frustrating. It really kills me and I would die to be in this guys shoes and have a real relationship with her. I can count on one hand how many times I have had sex with her this year and it's never been normal sex. Always having been beaten very severely before or after or both. She really has no sexual interest in me and no interest at all outside of my service to her and sex is really the last thing I would ever expect from her. It is really rare that it has even happened the times it has and if it never happened again I would not be surprised. The only real contact I ever have with her is at her feet. Massaging, worshipping, washing them or her simply resting them on me. Or many times being shackled and forced to sit completely still at the base of her feet with my head down in silence waiting for instructions or waiting for her to critique my service for the day and decide the appropriate punishment.

Other than that I am either doing chores for her or off in my corner of the house in shackles. This life is not what anyone would imagine and it is nothing like a typical mistress and sub relationship. Most times I can not believe I ended up in this position.
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  #51  
Old 08-02-2014, 12:57 PM
Focal Focal is offline
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Ron I think unfortunately things are coming to a close with your situation and Mistress.

If she won't kill you for bringing the subject up it would be the time to talk about her plans. If she will kill you then I think you will have to make a run for it basically unless you can somehow convince her that your leaving is her idea. I don't think the investment banker is going to want you around, maybe if he is a sub but if so the probably would have shown you off to him to show him what he has in store for him. If he is a so called "alpha" then he might want a female slave or your mistress will have a hard time reconciling herself to be subordinate to him.

What I think a slave's perfect scenario would be for you would be to given to one of her girlfriends if she is done with you and one of them who has seen you serve wants a slave. Possibly if she gets married you could be given away to the maid of honor or an auction type of scenario among her friends or maybe other interested women.

You are certainly young enough and probably with your job there are women who would be interested or maybe an older woman without kids. After your current experience I think most people would say you are well trained and obedient.
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  #52  
Old 08-03-2014, 5:34 PM
SlaveRon SlaveRon is offline
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Ron I think unfortunately things are coming to a close with your situation and Mistress.

If she won't kill you for bringing the subject up it would be the time to talk about her plans. If she will kill you then I think you will have to make a run for it basically unless you can somehow convince her that your leaving is her idea. I don't think the investment banker is going to want you around, maybe if he is a sub but if so the probably would have shown you off to him to show him what he has in store for him. If he is a so called "alpha" then he might want a female slave or your mistress will have a hard time reconciling herself to be subordinate to him.

What I think a slave's perfect scenario would be for you would be to given to one of her girlfriends if she is done with you and one of them who has seen you serve wants a slave. Possibly if she gets married you could be given away to the maid of honor or an auction type of scenario among her friends or maybe other interested women.

You are certainly young enough and probably with your job there are women who would be interested or maybe an older woman without kids. After your current experience I think most people would say you are well trained and obedient.
I think you are correct my time serving her is limited as things seem to be going well with her relationship. She is not around very much lately and is spending many nights with her boyfriend. Tonight she is out and don't think she will be back until tomorrow. In one sense this has relieved some of the pressure and demands that come with the constant service but it is still frustrating and upsetting to know she is with someone else.

A positive is I am relieved to not be in fear for once and I can mentally and physically relax in a way that I can not when she is here. I still have many responsibilities and demanding schedule but do not have to worry so much about making errors like I do when she is home. When she is in my presence I have routines and protocols that must be followed at all times. It is extremely intense and exhausting. There are rules and precise instructions that have been outlined and enforced over the years that dictate every thing i do. And I don't just mean preparing meals cleaning and maintaining the house, I mean everything from my manners to my movements. When and where to kneel, when to greet her and bow to her, when to kiss her feet, when to refill her glass of wine, when or when not to speak, when to open doors, when to make eye contact, and the list of rules goes on and on. It is similar to being a butler but more intense and there is very serious consequences for my mistakes. Bear in mind I am sometimes forced to do a lot of this in gags, shackles or other restraining devices especially when she is present. This is the part that feels like real slavery as is being tortured and having no rights. I can not object to one thing without risking punishment.

But the other good thing worth mention is that I haven't had to spend the entire night in shackles or sleep in shackles when she is not here. Nor do i have to wake up early and wait to be unchained. This is a big relief as it has allowed my body to recover a bit. But this is only on the nights she is not home and most of the nights she is home I still sleep with them on.

But the issue now is that she appears to be getting more strict with me when she is here. Several times over the last few weeks she has made mention that she may begin punishing me more often again. She said I was being careless inattentive and she was beginning to dislike the quality of foot massages and foot baths again. I still spend roughly one hour at least three nights a week rubbing her feet and i am sure I have mentioned it before but this is one of the most important parts of my service and slave life.

My guess is she is wanting to maintain the same level of control even though she is not around as much now. But this frightens me as I do not want go back to being beaten and tortured many nights a week like I had been some months back. I have only been getting beaten once every few weeks now and even though the punishment is very severe and painful it has been much better than it was when she was beating me all week. You may recall from my posts there was a period of about a year straight where she would torture me following every foot massage or foot bath telling me I was not doing a good job and she was not satisfied with my service that day or the massage. It was extreme torture. Night after night being beaten to a bloody pulp. Whipping me to tears then taking a rest to let me massage kiss and worship her feet again, then beating again for my errors, walking around in nothing but panties and heels taunting me and beating me more as i lay chained and helpless, and doing this over and over again until I was in very bad shape begging desperately for another chance to caress her feet. I feel incredibly lucky to even be in the presence of a woman as beautiful as her. Standing half dressed and naked in a pair of heels before me I try to remind myself how lucky I am to be in front of one of the most incredibly perfect sexy bodies I have ever seen but still she makes me pay a very serious price for this.

Whippings canings cattle prods paddles beltings stinging nettles all over my body, back chest nipples legs feet covering me in welts without mercy. Beating me like I was an animal until my body was so raw and soar it felt like it was on fire. Using spider gags to pry my mouth open so she can choke me with her feet. Many times leaving me in restraining chairs, straight jackets and other immobilization devices suffering for hours while I licked her feet to perfection. Applying clamps and clothespins on every inch of my body and leaving them on overnight with me in restraining devices overnight. I could go on and on about these tortures.

While I do feel lucky to be at the feet of a woman so stunning and beautiful I can not explain this suffering. Some nights I'd be so humiliated exhausted and emotionally spent I'd begin throwing tantrums not able to control my emotions. Id get an adrenaline rush and begin yelling or shouting back at her saying things I did not mean and all it did was cost me more pain and suffering until she beat me so much I barely had any energy left to bow to her or cry to her anymore.

And it's unfair she would put me through all this for something that was unmeasurable as someone on the forum here put it. It is true. Giving a satisfactory foot massage or foot bath and sitting properly at her feet is up to her judgement and can not be measured. It was unfair to be so helpless over something I had little control over. Yes it is always this way with her and I know this is part of my arrangement as her slave but the punishments for this is another level of sadism.

She would make up excuses every night telling me she did not like technique I was using or I did not kiss her feet with enough passion. Sometimes saying I wasn't holding her feet properly or she did not like the expression on my face or the way I presented myself, or because the temperature of the water was too cold when washing them or said she was dissatisfied with the way I bowed to her or did not have a towel warmed up or did not comment that her pedicure looked beautiful, and it goes on and on. She would just sit there with me helplessly chained below her and begin counting out how many lashes she was adding to my punishment finding every reason you can imagine to justify these punishments. It got so bad id cry to her each night she'd begin the process. The anticipation and fear became overwhelming and terrifying despite being deeply obsessed with her legs and feet. This period of time serving her really changed me and I never want to go through it again. Really it is hard to think about and I have many unresolved emotions and scars. Knowing how relentless and merciless she can be if she is not served properly.

She only finally let up treating me like this after I joined several massage classes and after I could not even sit below her without shaking and trembling the entire time. And till this day I still do. Even when I am ordered to kneel in silence with my head down focused on her heels or feet while she relaxes on the couch I am overwhelmed with fear and sometimes trembling if I know she is in a bad mood. Knowing any minute she can say "slave 40 lashes for moving around too much" or "60 lashes for taking too long to remove my heels". And no amount of begging will change her mind. I used to cry and say things like "please believe me, please I will never do it again, please you have to believe me miss." Most would have some mercy on someone in such a state. Seeing such genuine fear and helplessness in their eyes but she is able to remove herself from this. It's not that she does not feel bad for me. I suspect she might at times but she feels it's more important to remain committed to punishing me and correcting my errors. And there is also that she truly gets enjoyment out of treating me this way and gets off watching me suffer.

Im dreading she will go back to this harsh treatment again and think it will be because she is not around as much and not necessarily because of my poor service. Or maybe she will just want to beat me badly in my final days of service knowing it will be over soon. I can see this possibly and I don't know what to do.

About one of her friends taking ownership of me I am not sure this would work and I don't know how I feel about it. I think I will be so lost without her I would not ever feel the same serving someone else. She does have one friend that used to be a domme too and she was the one that actually got her into all this. Had it not been for her I would not even know my mistress. She is very attractive as well and I have been lucky enough to serve her many times when she has been over. Being a former domme herself she had also spent time beating me and torturing me with my mistress but I do not think she would go for having a full time slave and I do not think I can handle to serve anyone else after this.

Again my immediate concern is her going back to frequent and extreme tortures every chance she gets so she can keep control of the situation even though she is not around as much. Or because she wants to put me through hell in my final days. Do you think this may happen? I'm hoping all that time spent beating me relentlessly was just to initially mold me properly into her slave and was a one time thing. But now I wonder if she will do this again and I am on edge all the time again. I can handle being tortured once every few weeks even if it's real extreme (as It has been) but I don't know if I can handle going back to being tortured and humiliated mercilessly almost every night again. I hope she just said it to scare me and keep me in line but won't really do it.
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  #53  
Old 08-03-2014, 5:45 PM
Focal Focal is offline
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Ron thanks for writing. I think the danger level for you is real and you need to make a run for it. Whatever money you have save enough to stay with someone for a few days or make arrangements to go visit your family whom you haven't seen in years and get out. If she has access to your bank accounts then you have to get her off them but even with that I would just leave if you have vacation time. From your posts you said you have a regular job so just take her off the bank account and go.

Also tell us how it ends up.
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  #54  
Old 08-05-2014, 9:22 PM
SlaveRon SlaveRon is offline
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Ron thanks for writing. I think the danger level for you is real and you need to make a run for it. Whatever money you have save enough to stay with someone for a few days or make arrangements to go visit your family whom you haven't seen in years and get out. If she has access to your bank accounts then you have to get her off them but even with that I would just leave if you have vacation time. From your posts you said you have a regular job so just take her off the bank account and go.

Also tell us how it ends up.
In many ways I believe you are correct and this is some sound advice but I think it will be difficult to just get up and leave. I know it is frustrating to hear this but I have many reservations about leaving and never seeing her again. Once I leave there is no chance of ever returning or even seeing her at all. She has made this clear to me many times.

I have spent the last 2 and half years building my life around her so it makes it hard to imagine a life without her. I have invested so much energy time sweat blood and tears that it seems difficult to turn back. But it is true there is no real future with her anyway. To her I am nothing more than a slave, a butler, a pet or some menial creature. In her eyes I only exist for slavery, service, entertainment and because she enjoys controlling manipulating and disciplining. I am trying to see past the mental things holding me back and have considered seriously leaving more everyday.
Somehow I am drawn back in but I am hoping one of these days I can beak the cycle and just leave. I will update again on my status again when I can. Thanks for the response.
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  #55  
Old 08-12-2014, 1:34 AM
nour1234 nour1234 is offline
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Incredible story.

I must admit reading it has made me very interested in the lifestyle you pursued, at first.

After reading all the punishments you went through however.....this is just mere fantasy to most people. She completely broke you mentally and you would need actual therapy to ever get back to normal.

It's unhealthy for you to stay with her. I know you're obsessed, and I know you love her, and I understand how hard it is for you to leave. Just thinking of it sounds impossible. You keep thinking you won't ever see her again.

That's not necessarily the case! You need to get your life back. Who said being a slave and having a normal life can't coexist? But this "life" you're living right now is only going to leave you damaged and borderline suicidal once she decides she doesn't want you anymore, and you admit yourself that could happen literally any second.

PM me if you need anything, I've been in similar situations myself and may be able to help if you really do need help. Just know this, and I don't say it lightly, but really know this: Once you leave, you'll be HAPPY you did.

Keep us updated.
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  #56  
Old 08-12-2014, 4:29 PM
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jade_007j jade_007j is offline
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Get out now !!!
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  #57  
Old 08-15-2014, 7:18 PM
SlaveRon SlaveRon is offline
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Incredible story.

I must admit reading it has made me very interested in the lifestyle you pursued, at first.

After reading all the punishments you went through however.....this is just mere fantasy to most people. She completely broke you mentally and you would need actual therapy to ever get back to normal.

It's unhealthy for you to stay with her. I know you're obsessed, and I know you love her, and I understand how hard it is for you to leave. Just thinking of it sounds impossible. You keep thinking you won't ever see her again.

That's not necessarily the case! You need to get your life back. Who said being a slave and having a normal life can't coexist? But this "life" you're living right now is only going to leave you damaged and borderline suicidal once she decides she doesn't want you anymore, and you admit yourself that could happen literally any second.

PM me if you need anything, I've been in similar situations myself and may be able to help if you really do need help. Just know this, and I don't say it lightly, but really know this: Once you leave, you'll be HAPPY you did.

Keep us updated.
Thank you for the comments and offering to help. As you can see the situation is quite complicated and I'm glad you see there are two sides to it. I agree with what you said about possibly being happier once I have finally left and can only hope i will be able to finally get the strength to leave.

The big issue is that I have been doing this for long enough where I can not imagine a life without her now even though the life she has created for me is very difficult.

But I know it's very unhealthy to have gotten so used to being treated this way. For me it has become very second nature to expect being punished or tortured for minor mistakes. I have also become very used to being ignored, kept in isolation, kept in restraining devices, kneeling crawling bowing to her and doing hundreds of other exhausting rituals that I have been programmed to do everyday in her presence.

I know it's not normal but I am so used to it that I sometimes forget how abnormal it is. It is just that I expect certain things now as part of this life that most people would never stand for even if they were serving the woman of their dreams, but I have stood for it because I've had no choice. There has never been any other way and nothing has ever been negotiable. And more so my mistress has done this to me over a very long period of time and I did not see it all coming.

It was not at once that all these rules and ways of living were established. It was slowly overtime, little by little that my expectations of service and my behaviors were adjusted. Being punished more harshly each time I failed. Being kept in shackles more frequently, having more and more responsibilities. She was smart enough to mold me overtime like this and before I knew it it seems my life has become as strict and regimented as any slave's life can be.

Yes I have been enduring harsh punishments every step of the way but I did not realize this was going to be the norm. For some reason I kept telling myself it would stop or get better. Granted I have not gotten punished these last few months as often as I used to, but anytime I have been punished it has still been very extreme torture.

In some way I have lost site of what is normal and what is not. It is all difficult to explain. I know I am being treated harshly and unfairly as I am on here complaining a lot, but I don't think I am able to truly grasp just how bad it is if that makes sense. I know it is bad but I don't want to truly acknowledge it. This is a problem. It is just that I am so used to it, I don't know any other way. I have responsibilities and if they are not met or if I do not satisfy her in any way, she will torture me and beat so badly that I will never ever want to make that mistake again. I spend all day thinking of how to please her and spend all day fearing that one hour in the evening I will sit at her feet while she critiques my work and decides my punishment.
And now it has gotten to the point that I am grateful for things that a normal person would probably think is torture.

The other thing is that it is just as hard pyschologically and mentally fearing a punishment as it is being given one. Any task I am given is extremely intense just knowing that failure can result in extreme punishment. It is intense and draining knowing this. Cooking meals, cleaning, running errands, chauffeuring her around, keeping inventory in the house. It all has to be done perfectly and I can not make the slightest mistake. It takes constant planning, time management, and a lot of mental effort to remember every expected mannerism and behavior in her presence. And even though she does not punish me on the spot for a lot of these failures she does keep track of everything and will punish me next time I am expected to meet with her.

It was just the other day she had been relaxing on the couch with her feet up after dinner and instead of asking me for a massage or foot bath she had instructed me to simply kneel at her feet in silence and keep my eyes focused on them. She said she did not want to see me take my eyes off her feet for one second. So I sat kneeling with my eyes fixated and frozen on them like a statue.
For most people this would not be a difficult task and it is true there is nothing more beautiful in this world than her feet, however I was absolutely terrified of moving my head or eyes for even the slightest bit.

Last time I was told to do this she said something to me and instead of keeping my eyes focused on her feet I Iooked up at her for a brief second as she was talking to me. Bad mistake. I ended up being brought into the basement later that night, she made me to strip naked, chained me to a pole and beat me with birch rods all over my body until I was ripped to shreds bloody and crying. She kept telling me I did not follow her instructions and this was the consequence for it.

She even made me sleep chained in a small cage next to her bed that night instead of my normal arrangement sleeping shackled in my own bed. The cage is very small and she usually handcuffs one of my hands to it in addition to putting a heavy lock on the cage door. No pillow no blanket just a bucket for urinating and me naked curled up in a ball moaning all night in pain from having been beaten so bad.

This was all for moving my eyes off her feet for a brief second. Every time since then I have been instructed to keep quite and stay focused on her feet I have been terrified. I will never ever want to make the same mistake again for fear of that punishment so you can only imagine how intense and mentally difficult it is to sit there with this anxiety and fear. And the same goes for anytime I have been asked to not make any noise or sit still or do basically anything.

This time I was not beaten but she made me stare at them for almost an hour straight. It was a long hour and I can see her occasionally looking up at me to see if i was keeping focused on them. This was equally as intense as it would have been giving her a foot massage or foot bath. My point is that every task takes on this intensity and it is more difficult for me each day longer I spend serving her.

Now that she has this boyfriend and is not around as much she has been continually threatening me that she is going to become punishing me regularly again if she thinks I am slacking off when she is not here. Tonight she is sleeping at her boyfriends so i am relieved to have a break but I am fearing her return tomorrow as she is always a bit more harsh and strict me the longer she is not home.
I will keep some updates when I can here. Thanks again for the responses.
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  #58  
Old 08-18-2014, 7:15 PM
SlaveRon SlaveRon is offline
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This past weekend was the first punishment of what I suspect is going to be a series of continuous and relentless beatings. I was afraid this was going to happen. I know I had been saying this on here for sometime and now I believe it has started.
Since my mistress has been in this relationship I had been thinking she may want to take steps to maintain the same level of control she had when she was around more and would begin to punish me every chance she gets to keep me on my toes and ensure I am completing my chores when she is not here.

I also believe she wants to remind me that my sole purpose is to serve her and I should not use her absence as a reason to slack off. She mentioned she was going to install cameras in the house to keep an eye on me when she is not home but so far she has not done this yet. Instead she has become more strict with me and has threatened to begin beating more often. I believe the first of these beatings has just begun.

I will try to explain this story in more detail with actual dialogue so you can better understand what my interaction is like with my mistress from start to finish during these times.

Although the punishment I was ultimately given in the end was a very severe one; the set of events leading up to the punishment is a good representation of what can happen if I fail to meet my responsibilities. This is also what it was like for me many months back when I was enduring punishments like this many days a week or even on a daily basis. It was really only the last few months things have calmed down a bit but I believe this is just the beginning of what will be another long period of humiliation and torture.

The other thing worth mention is that I am grateful this forum has provided me an outlet to share my frustration with what is sometimes a very cruel and difficult lifestyle.
Yes I chose it but many aspects of it have turned out to be more than I bargained for. The confinement, restraining devices, punishments, and expectations of service are very intense. Whether or not my mistress intended to make my life this way for me I do not know, but she has succeeded in owning a true slave.

For obvious reasons I can not share this life with any friends or family and really have no one to explain this to. Part of my frustration is that I was truly unaware how strict my mistress would end up being. I expected to have more interaction and more of a balanced life during my service to her. I did not know I would end up being molded into nothing more than a servant that works endlessly day and night to serve her.

Still there are times I feel lucky and blessed to serve one of the most incredibly beautiful and successful woman I have ever seen in my life and I try to remind myself this especially in times of severe pain. But still it is true she has taken me to places I never knew existed. I never understood how strongly fear can influence ones behavior and how confinement isolation and punishment can force compliance.

My mistress is fully aware that i do not have the courage and strength to leave her and I believe she uses this to her advantage. The more she beats me the harder I try to please her and the more I am forced to worship her. I can never bite the hand that feeds me. In my case I mean this literally. If she is not pampered worshiped respected and praised at all times I will suffer the consequences. She controls my level of pain everyday and on the days she does not beat me I even kiss her feet and thank her for not torturing me. It is important she understands how truly grateful I am for this and that I am not taking anything for granted.

When my mistress came home the other night I greeted her as I have been trained to, bowing to her kissing each of her feet and kneeling with both hands behind my back asking if she would like me to her getting anything. I knew it was going to be a difficult night because she immediately ordered me to put her bags upstairs, get my shackles and wasted no time shackling both my arms and legs in the for the rest if the night. After securing me she asked me if I had completed all my chores for the day and if I had kept the house in good shape over the 2 days she had stayed with her boyfriend. She began waking around to inspect every detail of my work making sure all was spotless clean fully stocked and maintained to her standards. She then instructed me to poor her a glass of wine and prepare for a foot bath and foot massage while she went upstairs to change.

After she came back down she told me that I had forgotten to empty the garbage cans in the upstairs bathroom. Then she explained that she had several pairs of heels on the floor in her room that not been put away and that the jacuzzi in her upstairs bathroom did not look clean, there were no towels on her rack and she went on and on picking on mistakes that were unintended. I had worked for 6 hours straight running errands and doing chores before she came home and still my efforts did not matter. I immediately apologized "I'm sorry miss. I promise I will never do it again. It was an honest oversight. I promise. Please forgive me. It will never happen again."

"Oh slave here you again promising me the world. This time you really mean though right?" Laughing.
"This time you really won't do it again? You are going to get 30 strokes with the cane for this tonight."
I begged again for anther chance. "Another chance? You had your chance slave. You have responsibilities here and I don't wanna hear excuses. You know the rules and you know what happens when you don't follow them. You can begin washing my feet and then we will begin your punishment. And I sincerely hope for your sake you do an excellent job with my feet or you know what happens."

I nodded and pleaded that I would give her an incredible foot bath as she sat on the couch and crossed her legs with me kneeling below her with both my hands and feet shackled. I bowed to her again several times and kissed her feet as I had been expected to. I removed her heels and rested her feet on the flat of my palms. With my eyes starring at her amazing feet resting on my shackled palms, I paused waiting for her to let me begin. I am always expected to do this and starting without her consent is a mistake I have made repeatedly in the past costing me everything from full body whippings to days of starvation.
She often waits a few minutes to let me process how delicate the task is and to let the anxiety build up. This time she left them resting on my palms for at least 10 minutes. It was a long 10 minutes with nervousness and fear boiling up inside. Knowing my fate for the evening rested entirely in this one task and serious punishment lie ahead if I did not do a satisfactory job.

After instructing me to begin
I kissed her feet yet again before placing them in the water. Also a crucial step in my protocol and expected of me every time.

Just a few minutes into washing her soft soles and beautiful feet she started taunting me and intimidating me saying... "Slave do you think I am enjoying this" "do you think you are doing a good job washing my feet tonight?" Do you want me to add to your punishment? Do a better job or I will make the rest of your night a living hell. I have no problem spending hours torturing you tonight"

As always her intimidation techniques were very effective and frightened me beyond belief. She then began talking about how it had been a while since she gave my nipples a good whipping and how I haven't been locked into the restraining chair in quite a while and how she was not making good use of this device.

As always I tried not to show how frightened I was but it was clear as day. And then I finally heard what i feared most... "I do not feel your hands working very well tonight slave and you leave me no choice but to add 10 more strokes."

I began to tense up more and replied "I deeply apologize miss, please forgive me". And within 5 more minutes she said "slave I am adding 10 more strokes for this pathetic job"
At this point I began to really get nervous and began kissing her feet with passionately apologizing again" and then it was "10 more for not kissing her feet nicely" and knowing i was up to 60 strokes I began to break down and pleaded for her to stop. And then she got angry with me for whining and added 10 more. 70 strokes was a good beating. I would be hurting from the pain and I would be sitting on ice packs for a while.
Knowing how painful this was I began to bow my head closer to her feet. With them inches from my face I began kissing them as I rubbed them and caressed them and began to plead to her again to please forgive me. I could feel myself losing control and panicking thinking about the punishment and how painful it was going to be. Terrified she was going to add more strokes and then she added 10 more and I began to beg again "Pleeease pleeeease miss" My voice trembling as I panicked more. I looked up at her and she could see I was close to breaking into a full blown cry knowing 80 lashes of the cane would mean deep wounds and bleeding if she used one of the thicker canes. And then she added an additional 10 for lifting my head up and losing focus. I started to think it would never end and panicked more and started to get very restless and began moving uncomfortably in my shackles.

"Slave do you think you are going somewhere? If you keep moving I will put you in the sitting stock device or chain you to this couch. Do you understand?"
The sternness in her voice frightened the hell out of me and I was at the point where my thinking was cloudy and muddled from the fear" She abruptly jerked her feet back and said "okay looks like I'm going to have to restrain more slave. You leave me no choice. I am starting to get very annoyed with you. Can you not wash my feet properly tonight at all?"

She removed her feet from the bucket of water, stood up and left to get additional restraints and came back with the stock device for my legs and feet which I hated with a passion. This always seemed to cause terrible back pain and was one of the most uncomfortable positions to be put in. My legs and feet would be locked in front of me on the floor which placed a lot of pressure on my back especially if I had to curl forward to massage her feet. She had one that locked my arms and head in place that I would have probably been put in as well had it to not been for having to massage her feet. Still my hands were shackled and my feet now shackled and locked firmly into the stock. I was going nowhere. Could barely move much and felt even more helpless as I had so many times before at her feet.

She sat back down and put her long beautiful legs and feet back in front of me and said.. "If I have to stop one more time you are going to be in screaming pain the rest of the night". Just as I began to reach my shackled hands toward her feet to continue the massage she said.. "Nah-ah slave, you are forgetting something. 30 more strokes"
I kissed each of her feet and broke into real tears. 120 strokes of the cane was absolute hell. Although I had taken more strokes than that it was still an extreme punishment and I'd be screaming in pain from a punishment like this. I continued to panic and wondered if she would ever stop. She seemed to be an a particularly sadistic mood and I feared she would do this until she added so many strokes id end up with an ass that looked like bloody raw hamburger meat.

I continued to cry and sat nervously caressing her legs and feet faster with longer more passionate strokes trying to show her I was working desperately to satisfy her. Putting deep emotion into every stroke I prayed it would all end soon but she added 30 more strokes suggesting I did not look "appreciative to be at her feet".
It was at this point where I began to really lose control knowing 150 strokes of the cane was way past my pain threshold and would be absolute hell. I wondered how I would endure this if she used a thick flexible cane. I would really be a bloody mess. I contined to mentally break down kissing her feet over and over again crying and at one point I began shouting... "Ill do Anything miss. Anything. Please stoooop. Pleasase. I am begging you. Pleeeease. I don't mean to disrespect you"

I was losing control and must have repeated myself at least 20 times. My face buried in her feet now desperately kissing and rubbing them with my body tensed up into a spasm from the fear. Finally she removed her feet from me and grabbed the top of my hair jerking my face to look her in the eyes and slapped me across the face.
"You will do as your told the rest of the night do you understand? You better start trying harder slave or you are I am going to go back to doing this to you every single night. You do one more thing to annoy me and will keep you in the restraining chair with clothes pins and clamps on every inch body tonight? Do you understand me?"

Shaking like I leaf I said yes and kissed her feet again several times. I feared the restraining chair as much as anything knowing how painful it was to be locked up all night in it with clamps and clothespins all over my skin especially after a ruthless caning. The clothespins she used were small plastic ones with more bite than the wooden ones and hurt quite bad when left on long enough but my real fear was the tiny metal clamps. These bite real sharp cutting and piercing the skin with jagged edges designed to inflict intense suffering.
They also have metal chains that tighten the clamp when pulled on. If these were left on long enough my skin would surely be all ripped up and bleeding.
She had enough of them to cover my entire body with them if she wanted and this would undoubtedly painful. For sure they would end up on my nipples chest scrotum and inner thighs.

"Now I Am going downstairs to get the stocking device for your Arms and when I get back we begin your punishment. It's going to be a long night for you slave"

When she returned I was ordered onto my stomach as she put the stock around my neck and arms. Laying completely helpless she began beating my ass and thighs raw. 150 strokes of pure hell. Toward the end I was screaming sweating and convulsing in pain. My my ass was burning on fire and felt like it was pouring blood. It was horrendous pain.

She disinfected my wound with alcohol which left me screaming in pain again and then removed the stocks. Had I not had shackles on my legs and feet still i would have considered running. She then instructed me to sit in the restraining chair and began strapping me in.

The chair is a very expensive high quality device that is about as effective as you can get in restraining someone into a human statue or virtual piece of furniture. Not only does it have straps but also clamps and bars that screw in places all over so you can't not move a muscle even the slightest bit. The worst part is there are bars that lock in over my neck with two metal surfaces on each side of my head that screw tight like a vice keeping my head firmly in place. If it wasn't for seeing my eyes move you would not even know I was alive. Legs arms neck head ankles wrists and even fingers locked so tight I was completely frozen and at her mercy. And the the worst part of the device is it tilts backwards on a 70 degree angle which causes blood to rush to the victims head increasing pain causing dizziness and sickness.

Once I was locked in firmly in place and the chair was tilted back completely she began to apply all the metal clamps and clothespins on every inch of skin including my nipples and chest. The clamps hurt like hell biting through my flesh and felt like hundreds of sharp cuts all over my body. She began playing with them, flicking them and tugging them to tighten them more. There must have been close to 100 of them on every inch of my skin including nipples and scrotum.

I cried to her more, begging to never make the same mistakes again and never give a bad foot bath again. Begging endlessly that I would never disrespect her feet like that again. Explaining how they were more beautiful than anything and I was wrong to not do a better job. I begged endlessly for another chance but my cries were worthless as always.

The blood rushing to my head with the chair tilted back, my ass a bloody mess, my body locked so tight in the chair, my head in a vice, and metal clamps cutting sharply through my skin. It was a terribly cruel punishment but I made the mistake of yelling and protesting the punishment and this ended up only costing me more pain.

She sat eloquently with her legs crossed on the couch staring right into my eyes with my body and head tilted all the way back I was almost upside down. Looking directly into her eyes as she watched me cry and shake with a bloody cane in her hand. She spent some time playing on her phone and made a couple phone calls leaving me their sobbing as all the pain set in more. My skin felt like it was rupturing all over as the metal clamps cut and pierced through every inch of my body.

When she finally came back she began taunting me more... "Look at me slave. You did this to yourself. You put yourself here did you not? Are you going to stop winning and moaning now or do I have to gag your mouth shut?"

With head directly underneath her she rested her beautiful feet on my face.
"Since you can't seem to show respect for my feet you leave me no choice but to treat you like this."

I was in so much pain I couldn't even respond anymore without chocking on my own cries. I mumbled something about loving her and being sorry.

"How do my feet feel resting on your face? I want you to spend the next 10 minutes feeling them on your face. I want you to think about how important it is to serve my feet properly next time. You don't serve these feet to my liking and i will torture you like this every night of your life. I will beat you bloody and keep you in that chair every single night do you understand me? If you do not keep still I will get that gag. I can do this to you all night long slave. Do you understand me?"

I could barely even focus on anything she was saying anymore and she watched me moan in pain under her soft soles for the next half hour. I lay there trying to appreciate how beautiful her feet were and how unbelievable they felt resting on my face but I was in so much pain and fearing her in a way words can not explain that it was difficult to focus my attention on anything. Tears rolled down my face directly on to her feet as i moaned and begged for mercy.

Finally she said "okay slave I am exhausted now. Gong to sleep in my comfortable bed. Enjoy the night in your chair slave. I want you to see you have a better day tomorrow or we will do this all over again okay? Say goodnight to me and kiss my feet".

She tilted the chair back up a bit more to give me some relief but kept me at an angle that was still nauseating and uncomfortable.
She turned off all the lights leaving me locked completely in darkness crying myself to sleep. My ass felt like it was bleeding still, my skin and nipples on fire from the clothespins and clamps. My body locked up so tight into a knot with every muscle soar and worst off my head and neck locked tight in a vice.

What may be disturbing to hear but it is the truth is she had decided to keep me in the chair the entire next day and the next night. She was kind enough to tilt the chair completely upright during the day and removed the clothespins and clamps which again gave me a rush of intense pain. She fed me two small meals from her her bare hands making me kiss them and lick them throughout the meal as I begged her and cried to her very desperately all day to be released.

Several times in the day she came to tilt the chair back rested her feet on my face again and threatened to whip my chest with an electric cable which would have been an excruciatingly painful punishment. She sat there in front of me caressing the electric cable in her hands taunting me and watching me shake in fear and beg endlessly not to be beaten. She made me tell her all the things I would do in exchange for not being beaten with the cable and did not stop taunting me until I suggested something to her liking. There were many moments she was very close to beginning the beating telling me i was not coming up with anything interesting or creative. I would scream out "pleeeease no I will do anything" and begin rambling off more things and in the nick of time I would be lucky enough to suggest something to her liking that she would agree to but this would only bide me a bit of time until I came up with another suggestion she liked. And this went on and on with all the sick suggestions of torture I would take in exchange for the electric cable whipping. To her it was a game and amusing. Listening to me suggest everything from buying her a pair or new heels once a week for the next 2 months to drinking her urine and eating her shit for dinner, to buying her a ball shocker to use of me.
She did not agree to everything thankfully but she did agree to quite a few things that I am ashamed to even list here. The entire ordeal was some of the most pathetic desperate begging and bargaining you could ever imagine but very necessary when faced with an electric cable beating. I have been beaten with this a couple times before and it is one of the most painful forms of punishment she could possibly administer.

All the while my body was killing me like never before and not being able to move even a muscle was very painful. And at night all the clothespins and metal clamps went back on and the chair was tilted back again. Over a hundred sharp metal clamps biting through every in inch of my skin all hours of the night.

By the second night the pain was so bad and at one point shortly after she left to go upstairs for bed i began I screaming very loudly "pleaaaae miss. Pleeeease come back. I can't take it. Pleaaaase I beg you."

And after screaming this for a long time she came back downstairs and walked around to inspect me"
I cried endlessly to her ... "Please don't leave me like this all night miss. Please don't torture me like this. Pleeeease I am sorry for my mistakes and sorry for a terrible foot bath. Pleeaaaase I will have more respect your beautiful fee. Please miss I am so sorry"

And this went on and on like this with me in a frienzied state of pain. It was an extremely cruel punishment to be left in the chair for over 36 hours after one of the worst canings I have ever received.

She gave me some water while I cried and said... "Slave you are not gonna die from this. I'm sorry I have to do this to you but you know what happens when you fail to do as your told. Your mistakes have consequences. I cannot have you running around doing whatever you want without enforcing the rules and I can not have you improperly serve my feet. You should be extremely lucky to serve me. Many men would kill to be in your position.
You are gonna take your punishment or I will make it worse for you and gag your mouth all night. Do you want that?
I cried "nooo miss i don't want tha. Nooo I don't miss" and she said "okay then... Keep your mouth shut and sleep tight." She closed the lights and left for the night.

This morning she came downstairs at 6:00am looking stunning as always. Dressed for work in something that showed off her amazing body and perfect legs and feet in pair of heels. I on the other hand did not sleep one minute and was in excruciating pain the entire night counting the minutes till morning. When she removed all the metal clamps and clothespins I was in bad shape and you could see welts, bleeding and broken skin all over my body. My muscles and body ached in pain having been restrained for 2 nights straight and my ass was still burning like never before from the ruthless caning. It felt amazing to move my neck and head again.

I literally feel to the floor when I got out of the chair. Luckily I still remembered to properly greet her. Even being in that much pain was no excuse to not great her properly and she would've beat me again or ordered me right back in the chair had I not adhered to the protocol when greeting her.

I got on my knees bowed several times, kissed her feet and thanked her for releasing me. I was really delirious from the pain and was fearing her so much that I was crawling around the floor by her side asking her if she needed anything and saying sorry over and over agin for no reason. I was a wreck and all I could think of was pleasing her so she would not punish me again.

She was in a pleasant mood but there was still a sternness and in her voice that frightened me. She told me was to take a shower and clean myself up more and then explained she may be coming home with her boyfriend later that night.
"No need to prepare dinner tonight slave. I will be out with my boyfriend and we will be coming back later. I will text you the time. You know the drill. I want you up in your room for the night. Also I want this place spotless. I would check the wine cabinet if I were you. Unless of course you want me to do this all over to you agin for not restocking the cabinet. Slave look at me. You forget one thing today I will whip deeply into all those cuts and welts you have. Do you understand me? I want you to start focusing on what you need to do around here. I am not happy with your performance lately and I think I am going to have to begin taking some measures to keep you in line. We will have a discussion on your service again Tuesday and I hope you don't disappoint me."

I promised I would not disappoint her and would do everything possible to please her.
The issue is that I know what is going to happen now. No matter what I do I will be beaten again Tuesday. I will work work endlessly over the next couple days to do everything correctly and still when Tuesday comes she will find an excuse to beat me. If all my chores and responsibilities are met then she will just tell me my foot massage is no good and will beat me for that. No matter what I lose. I fear this will be the norm now for a long time. I wonder if now is the time to consider leaving before things get more out of hand. I think it will be difficult still but I don't know if I can take this. I want to talk to her about it but I every time I have tried in the past I have been punished more.
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  #59  
Old 08-20-2014, 7:01 AM
Focal Focal is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: South NJ
Posts: 7
Ron,

Again on so many levels what is happening is too much. You need to pack up and just leave and stay over at a relatives house since with all the time you spent with your mistress you might not have friends left. Its a sad situation.

She has more to lose than you do at this point paradoxically and if she breaks up with her boyfriend she might kill you.

At some point you are going to snap back at her and probably hit her. She is smart about that because she likes to restrain you first. The first step for you is to think about hitting her back, physically, or taking the cane out of her hand and hitting her with it. That is what is going to bring you out of this situation. I know it sounds crazy but so is your entire situation.
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  #60  
Old 08-20-2014, 7:09 PM
submissive_male4u submissive_male4u is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 166
Ron,

I disagree with Focal. I believe your Mistress is always right. She has set high standards for you and you should be more obedient in complying with her orders.

If I were you, I would do better and give her surprises, and show her your love... and try to buy her gifts, and compete with her boyfriend and win her heart.

I think you have a special place in her heart... and show that your crave her... so that she will feel more fulfilled...

Please give it a try and see what happens

Samuel
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