#1  
Old 03-13-2017, 3:57 AM
now111 now111 is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 232
Is it possible

to have a true relationship where you just turn off and on your submissive or (if you're a mistress) domininant desires?

I'm really struggling ever since my wife decided to completely embrace the idea of being a Goddess with a slave to order around.

She still likes to have my non-submissive husband persona shine through sometimes, but more and more she treats me as her slave and exploits my addiction to her feet as a daily means of keeping me under her control.

I really wonder if I've gone beyond that 'careful what you wish for' stage already, as I've lost all sense of being anywhere near her equal at any time.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-13-2017, 2:56 PM
tbone tbone is online now
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Middle Tennesse
Posts: 2,916
When something as deeply emotional as this is in control of part of me, little reactions from people I'm involved with let me know that I'm just not seeing the world the way they do. I think I'm communicating and I am to a certain level but the more controlling the emotion, the more my skewed personality doesn't get them.

Maybe it helps to remember that women are more relational and want closeness and men more want respect. Where that fits in with the dominance thing I'm not completely sure.

There's probably some truth to your perception of your wife's reaction depending on your relationship. You can "leave her behind" if your emotional focus is too narrow. The way you can get some balance is to spend some time thinking about what her needs and wants are and satisfy them also.

If you're emotionally close and connected you could actually find a right time and place to discuss your concerns; she'll probably appreciate the chance you're taking. Don't just let what you're describing happen. It's unlikely that she sees it quite the way you do. Input from some of the ladies on here would be helpful.

And thanks for sharing your experience; it's really important.

Last edited by tbone; 03-13-2017 at 3:06 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-14-2017, 2:57 PM
mikeyb's Avatar
mikeyb mikeyb is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 598
My first love, and first long term relationship of 4 years in my 20's, was with a girl who controlled me 100% with her feet. She knew that she could, she loved it, and she used it. 20 years later, I still miss her. I got what I wished for, and many times it was frustrating that she could control me soo easily.... But boy do I miss the days of being treated mercilessly under her feet and heels.
__________________
Give me liberty or give me death.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-14-2017, 10:35 PM
celticfc celticfc is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: UK
Posts: 2,890
My ex GF gave me the odd footjob, but would not let me shoot my load on her feet
And she knew the porn sites I was browsing through that's kinda control in a way but I was so happy she did this to me
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-15-2017, 8:39 AM
now111 now111 is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 232
There is a big element of chastity training involved (no devices, just self control, as ordered by her and promised by me on my love for Her), coupled with being forced to be beneath Her feet on a regular (at least daily) basis and punishment with a crop for failure to obey Her.

In order to gain the privilage of being beneath Her feet, I must perform all household duties to Her satisfaction - cooking, cleaning, driving etc.

She's grown so accustomed to a way of living where She doesn't have to lift a finger that She's determined to keep me craving Her feet at all times through daily forced worship. I say 'forced' in a true sense - it's whether I want to or not.

Strange as it may seem to those who fantasize about such things (and confusing to me also), the reality is that there are many times when it's the last thing I want, since I'm able to masturbate, but never ejaculate - and any inevitible 'leaks' are punished severely.

The result is that I do end up craving Her feet more and more, and I've become a slave to Her simply to get my next (ultimately unfulfilling) fix.

One major effect of all this is that our relationship has become massively lopsided - perhaps 80% of the time She treats me as Her slave and I have no choice but to obey. The other 20% seems to shrink by the day, and I find it very difficult to maintain any pretence of balance in our 'normal' life - hence the reason I started this topic.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-15-2017, 11:57 AM
mip1980's Avatar
mip1980 mip1980 is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 240
I guess from an individualistic perspective she has come to realise that she can gain from you constantly by controlling your desires, I guess she never knew this aspect of the relationship when she entered into it but your willingness to let her push those boundaries inch by inch has made her more confident. There are a lot of guys that dream of such a relationship but I can understand your fears, I guess the only way to handle this is to talk to her about it. Show her that you love her and care for her but you also want to feel equal.

If she understands what you're saying and loves you she should engage with you, if she gets upset by what you're saying, then that could cause problems regardless, she will either resent you for it or ignore what you're saying and then your locked in to it, either way it should be addressed if it is making you unhappy.


I think most of us at some point in our lives have been in a similar situation, I had an ex that totally dominated me beneath her feet and heels and took took took all the time and eventually I had to ask myself why keep this going. Years later I do miss her trampling and domination sessions but I don't miss her using me for material gains or emotional blackmail. Sometimes it is better to keep fantasy and reality separate, a perfect match needs an astronomical series of life events to all coincide. Easier said than done I guess and congrats to anyone that has mastered it
__________________
I'm not in this for the pain, I just love how it looks!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 03-18-2017, 9:01 AM
infidel infidel is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 155
it sounds like you went too far combining the reality and fantasy aspects of your marriage. That's not healthy, nor predictive for a long term loving marriage. I definitely wouldn't want that. I prefer to keep my marriage aspects separate from my fantasies. To me it just works. For others perhaps not.

I'd suggest a good long discussion between you two before it is too late for your marriage. Failing that, counseling. If she's not willing, then I suggest you take a good long look in the mirror and decide what you want more: recognition and respect, or trampling/foot worship. One you can rent. One you can't. Time to figure it out bro.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 03-21-2017, 3:10 PM
Sauur Sauur is online now
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,473
Grass is always greener honestly. Say it went back to the way it was, I almost guarantee you that a part of you will crave the sheer dominance that was done when that 20% was shrinking.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 03-24-2017, 10:04 AM
sidewalk's Avatar
sidewalk sidewalk is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 689
Everyone is different and this is when you find out if you're just submissive or a true slave. There's a big difference.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 04-04-2017, 1:09 PM
bdb844lg bdb844lg is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 271
I have never been able to successfully integrate my fetish with my relationships. Either the trampling was done too infrequently (and with disdain) or trampling requests became excessive since I wanted it basically all the time.

Fetishes are a really powerful sexual urge and takes considerable discipline to contain. They easily run wild if given the chance. But that's not a healthy thing, either for you or the relationship. You've got to set limits for any chance of success.

I've had the best outcomes keeping the two completely separate. I let my partner know I love it when she wears heels but that's the extent of it. Nothing much more. I then have to keep my fetish life partitioned off, wheter that's looking at trampling porn or visiting dommes. The latter could be construed as cheating by some and there's the guilt factor for that.

I think the ideal would be a woman who knows something of my interests and let's me pursue them with dommes on the side, as long as she knows there won't be any sex involved. If she'd treat it like a necessary experience for me, that would be wonderful. But that's almost an impossible dream to have. Maybe somebody who did trample you but you both agree not to do it anymore.

Last edited by bdb844lg; 04-04-2017 at 1:23 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 04-05-2017, 10:06 PM
celticfc celticfc is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: UK
Posts: 2,890
Makes sense bdb
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 04-06-2017, 7:46 AM
landa1 landa1 is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: europe
Posts: 16
My 2 cents. Don't let her take advantage of your fetish. For me that counts as emotional blackmail. You two are married and you're supposed to have a healthy relationship where both of you consent to do whatever pleases you but to a certain limit. My girlfriend tramples me and makes me worship her feet and shoes constantly because she enjoys the power and she enjoys seeing me having fun but lately she was really busy with her work stuff and we haven't role played in a while. However I'm not nagging her to trample me, I'm just going to let her finish whatever she's doing and when I'm certain that she's a bit more relaxed i'll ask her nicely. I don't want a relationship where my fetish becomes a burden and she has to satisfy my urges just because she feels obliged to do so.

Same has to happen between you and your wife, and it's better if you talk it out.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 04-16-2017, 10:24 AM
lvlheaded lvlheaded is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 7
Yes, not only can you but it's about 90% of relationships. What do you think the average person walking down the street is like? The problem is the 10% that are into more extreme aspects of it are the loudest. (So 90% of the time, its like getting something to eat and afterwards all is good but the ones that are about 24/7 and extreme stuff i dont know. Sometimes i think they are assholes in real life they treat others bad and want to be treated the same?) usually they are the loudest, more likely to be exibitionists, request more clips, pay for more clips? So what we see is what they want to see.

Also keep in mind this is porn, so the producers got to turn it up because your jerking off its not real life so people need more of a high. And they got to make money which again means they got to make it more, more. More everything to sell.

The problem is how everything is presented. A fetish in it self does not have to be part of s&m, sub dom, pain, humiliation etc etc. its like if you like pizza you can just like pizza but everytime you search for pizza it shows someone eating it while being hit with a bat or with crazy toppings. Not saying anything is right or wrong, just saying it can't be one way only or either this way or that way.

I think the problem was communication, then and now. Talk to her, either you were lazy and didn't factor all in and explain what you wanted or maybe its too much power for your wife and shes letting go to her head? Can't make the switch between life and this stuff? Or maybe you dodged a bullet and found out shes a cunt and you get out earlier than if you hadn't started this stuff? I dont know...
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 4:23 AM.

Copyright 2000 – MistressDestiny.com. All rights reserved.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.