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  #1  
Old 08-21-2007, 5:51 AM
suffocated1
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A lovely butt to sniff

I saw this beautiful bottom in my local supermarket and a sudden urge to sniff it rushed into my head. You know how it is sometimes. The heart overcomes all senses and you just feel the compulsion to do something.

Well, I followed her round a bit and waited for the best moment. It wasn't till she was reaching the freezer sections that I decided this was going to be my best chance. She was just reaching into where the the frozen chips are that I leaned down and closed in, my nose approaching her bum-crease. It's just my luck that at that precise moment a disabled woman in a scooter came speeding round the corner and bumped into me from behind. The impact caused my face at first to become shoved into the girl's bottom, then I fell on my back into the freezer. At the same time the girl happened to slip on a wet patch that some stupid assistant hadn't cleared up and fell into the freezer on top of me. She ended up banging the back of her head on the self above whilst sitting on my face.

The woman who'd caused the crash became tangled up with her scooter and the girl, so the girl was dazed and couldn't move off my face. In fact none of us could move.

I tried to breathe the best I could but it was hard and the cold was making my face very icy. I heard the security guy come but he couldn't move the scooter as it was too heavy.

The girl came round a bit and due to my struggling beneath her butt she she didn't think I could breathe. Then they found out the fire brigade wouldn't be there for about twenty minutes by which time I'd likely be expired.

It was then that the disabled woman made a suggestion which very probably saved my life. She said to the security man to fetch a large tin of baked beans. When he returned she told the girl to eat them as fast as she could. I could hear her gobbling them down very quickly and the woman told her to fart as much as she could.

It was a few minutes before the first one came and it came just as I thought I was going to pass out or die of frostbite. Boy it was a belter of a fart but it gave me a lifeline and I couldn't do anything else but inhale it. Then came another, followed by another and she kept on farting which both warmed my face and inflated my lungs.

By the time the firemen came I must have endured thirty minutes of intensive farting, but the quick actions of the woman and the girl had saved my life.

When they'd untangled us and I was breathing fresh air the smell eminating from the girl's arse and my face made the firemen to put on their breathing apparatus.

Then I made the biggest mistake of my life. Having been through a life-threatening experience I was pretty much shaken up so one of the firemen offered me a cigarette. Now you would have thought being in that profession they'd be more aware, but as soon as I lit up the fumes from her bottom were still loitering in my lungs and the match ignited my breath like a beacon. Lucky for me the firemen managed to put out the flames before i did too much damage.

The girl said sorry and so did the diabled woman. I thanked the firemen, then both her and the girl for saving my life.

And as the girl walked off I looked after her gyrating backside and knew it would be a long time before I'd ever feel the need to sniff another bottom.

(pic Black Forest Butt)
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  #2  
Old 08-22-2007, 8:09 AM
underbutt underbutt is offline
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Angry Butt to sniff

Wow...great story. But I think I'd keep searching around. I know the feeling you had...that overwhelming desire to just find a women's butt to sniff.
I have had no luck in this area--in public that is. But once I watched a beautiful ass-gifted Asian bank teller bend over to pick up a dropped reciept. I leaned over the counter to witness the emerging crack. Oh Man. 60 percent of me thought: dive over the counter and sink you nose in!--but that might have set off alarms. It would look like I was robbing the bank. What would I have said to the cops: "no sir I was not trying to rob the bank--I just wanted to sniff the tellers butt" Yep---either way I'd be going to jail.

What happened is she turned around to ask a question and she noticed was staring at her butt. She looked cold at me--like I was a sick animal. I bowed my head and said I was sorry. Hoping that whe would feel sorry for me---instead she ignored me and turned away.
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  #3  
Old 08-30-2007, 9:25 PM
Alienlifeform Alienlifeform is offline
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See but you shouldnt of apologized to her bcuz she sawed you looked at her butt you should of smiled at her and said hi how are you and let your eyes sparkle at her.
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  #4  
Old 08-31-2007, 3:59 AM
suffocated1
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I don't know why but my luck keeps on giving out on me.

I was walking near the market yesterday and saw this gorgeous chick with a butt with a perfect crease. Each buttock was beautifully proportioned and separated by skin-tight jeans.

You know sometimes your heart just rules your head and the urge is just too great and there's nothing in the world that can stop you from doing something? Well, I went right up to her and before I could stop myself I said:

'Can I sniff your crack?'

Within a second she'd pulled a gun and shouted; 'On the floor, scumbag. Now! Now!'

Just as I did as she said about a dozen FBI agents surrounded me all pointing weapons. A helicopter whirled around above.

'We got ourselves a drugs dealer,' she cried triumphantly.

'No, no,' I whimpered, as they cuffed me. 'I wanted to sniff her butt crack.'

'Tell it to the judge,' she told me, hauling me into a Fed car.

It took a while to sort out that I was telling the truth. But the irony was that the situation I was caught up in I had to choose between the devil and the deep blue sea. Either I was a dealer or a butt-sniffing pervert. I chose the latter.

I'm out on bail, but my case comes up next week. I have a feeling it's gonna be hugely embarassing.
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  #5  
Old 08-31-2007, 7:13 PM
buttmunch69 buttmunch69 is offline
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Excellent stories suffocated, talk about it never rains but it pours... hope your luck changes for the better, as it were.

I'd love to hear of any further 'disasters' if it doesn't though.
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  #6  
Old 08-31-2007, 7:52 PM
robb82 robb82 is offline
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these stories are bizzare!!!
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  #7  
Old 09-01-2007, 8:12 PM
underbutt underbutt is offline
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LOL.....Yeap ya may wanta watch whose ass you ask to sniff.
Once I rolled over and saw my wife sleeping real peaceful and noticed half of her butt crack was showing. As it was a hot night she wore no underwear so I gently pulled her night pants down and stuck my nose in. She awoke and asked what the hell I was doing. I replyed: why...sniffing your butt of cousre" and she kicked me in the chest....had a bruise for a week....but at least I got to smell her. Ah what we do just to fullfill our fetishes.
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  #8  
Old 09-03-2007, 1:58 AM
suffocated1
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Well, I was playing with my Airfix kit, making a US bomber using superglue, when the doorbell rang.

It was the FBI agent from the market. I was quite stunned really. It turned out she'd been thinking about the whole episode and kind of felt sorry for me. I had to explain my need to sniff women's bottoms.

'Do you still want to sniff my butt?' she asked.

'Oh yes,' I replied. She was wearing those tight jeans and her bum looked delicious.

'Okay,' she said, turning her back to me while I sat behind her near my kit. 'But only a quick sniff.'

I couldn't believe my luck.

As she dropped her jeans and revealed her panti-less backside I noticed she had hemeriods but it didn't put me off. Just as I leaned forwards to sniff her crack my hand pressed against the tube of superglue which squirted onto my face. At that precise moment her butt connected with my face. Well, you can guess what happened. Both my face cheeks became glued to her bottom cheeks, with my nose near her crack. One of her piles prodded into my nose.

'Jeez!' she exclaimed, realising what had happened.

We shifted and turned and tried everything we could to prize my face away from her backside, but to no avail.

'What're we gonna do?' she cried.

Just then she farted and my nose was filled with a smell which would've made a skunk proud. God, I started choking and tears whelled in my eyes.

'Pardon me,' she said. 'But I've got IBS and I've been constipated for three days.'

Another fart followed and then another.

If you can imaginge someone who's been eating a diet of decaying dead rats followed by rotting boiled cabbage and sprouts you'll have some idea of the stench. By this time my eyes were streaming and I choked like a maniac.

We managed to get into a more comfortable position by lying on our sides on the floor. Every movement she made produced another odious fart.

'Jeez, I'm really sorry about this,' she said, producing the loudest and longest fart I've ever encountered. The blast must've wilted my eyelashes.

We couldn't even phone for the emergency services as it would've been too embarrassing. We just had to lie there with her farting the smelliest stenches into my nose for the best part of four hours, while I stared at her piles.

Finally, when it reached early evening and I was almost in a coma, the sweat from our cheeks managed to ease the glue off. Boy did I feel relieved.

'You won't tell anyone, will you?' she insisted.

'No,' I promised.

'Don't tell anyone and I'll drop the charges,' she said, farting as she went out the door.


So, please don't mention this to anyone or I have to go to court.

Promise?
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  #9  
Old 09-05-2007, 3:34 PM
buttmunch69 buttmunch69 is offline
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Damn, seems as if lady luck'e turned to ice for you lately, hope things improve sometime soon.... but err... feel free to add more tales of facesitting catastrophies in the meantime.

All the best
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  #10  
Old 09-07-2007, 12:30 AM
draculay draculay is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by suffocated1 View Post
I saw this beautiful bottom in my local supermarket and a sudden urge to sniff it rushed into my head.
You need to wear really dark shades or those things the horses wear on the sides to prevent them from being distracted
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  #11  
Old 09-07-2007, 12:56 AM
suffocated1
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Quote:
Originally Posted by buttmunch69 View Post
Damn, seems as if lady luck'e turned to ice for you lately, hope things improve sometime soon.... but err... feel free to add more tales of facesitting catastrophies in the meantime.

All the best
Thanks for the support. I have a great affection for you Aussies, having spent many an evening in the 70's and 80's knocking back a tinny or three of the Amber Nectar. So much so that I wrote to Fosters to demand a place on their board of directors citing the fact I considered I'd drunk enough to probably own half the company. I still haven't heard so I'll see them in court.

I can tell you the way lady luck's been treating me lately I need all the support I can get. But someone here has grassed me up and I'll tell you how I know.

The FBI lady came round to see me yesterday, banging on my door in a foul mood. She told me she'd heard from someone on this forum that I'd spilled the beans. The timing of her visit was really inconvienient because I'd met this beauty with a bulbous onion booty who'd promised to come for supper. She was due in half-an-hour when the agent arrived.

'You scumbag,' the FBI lady cried, pushing me into the lounge. 'Now I want you to sniff and kiss my ass, and do it good and I'll let you off.'

I didn't have much choice. If i didn't do as she asked I'd find myself in court and it would be my word against hers.

I agreed and she pushed me to the floor, pulled down her jeans and squatted over my face. If it hadn't been for the piles she'd have a lovely arse. Her hemeroids had grown even more and stood out like blunt pink spikes, from all the straining she'd done to crap.

'Kiss it,' she barked.

I pouted and kissed her butt, avoiding all the piles as best I could. Then a small sound could be heard... pphhsssst, followed by the foulest stench I'd ever encountered.

'Pardon me,' she apologised. 'I'm still constipated.'

Now, there's one thing I wished I'd done earlier. That is to look up the symptoms of IBS. Irritable Bowel Syndrome can make the sufferer constipated for days on end, or it can make the person have chronic diarrhoea.

Just then I was blasted in the face like a fireman's hose being turned on by the smelliest and most fetid torrent of shit in the world. It went everywhere, up my nose, in my mouth, in my eyes.

'Oh dear,' she said, 'I'm so sorry.'

While she rushed off to finish in the toilet I lay there stunned and almost comatose, in a different world called Hell.

After a while she rushed past me and headed for the door.

'Just say we're quits,' she called, embarrassed, slamming the door after her.

The stench of her week's constipation eminated not just from my entire head, but the whole place stunk of it.

Then the doorbell went. My date had arrived.
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Old 09-12-2007, 12:41 AM
suffocated1
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I must've passed out from the smell. I was woken by the front door crashing open and a loud cry of 'POLICE!'.

Three police detectives, one a female, pointed their weapons at me, their faces a picture of astonishment.

'What the fuck is it?' one of them cried.

The thick layer of shit covering my head had dried to a crust and I looked like a brown, smelly alien.

Then I was cuffed and taken to the station. All the while the officers complained about the stench and had all the windows in the car wound down.

It took a while to explain what had happened, although I left out the bit about it being a Fed who'd accidentally crapped on me.

Apparently my date had arrived and getting no answer had peered through the letterbox. The smell had caused her to think there was a load of decaying dead bodies and had called the law.

They cleaned me up at the station and the female officer was the one who volunteered to take a statement. She was plain but had a fantastic arse, bulging in tight jeans.

'So, you like sniffing women's butts, do you?' she asked, in a formal voice.

'Yes,' I admitted, ashamed.

She looked sternly at me as if I was something that had crawled out from under a stone.

'How'd you like to sniff mine?' she eventually said, her tone softening.

'Oh, yes,' I said.

She gave me her address and said I could go round after her shift had finished and sniff her bottom. Then she let me go.

I'll let you know how it goes.
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  #13  
Old 09-17-2007, 1:31 AM
suffocated1
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Shit, shit shit!!! Life is such a bummer.

The day started off great. I woke up looking forward to seeing Jane (the female detective). I was so happy I cooked myself a huge full English breakfast, the whole works.

She lives in a block of flats and was pleased to see me. We got chatting over coffee and she confided she'd always had a fantasy about a guy tying her up and sniffing her bottom.

''Make sure it's only sniffing and only for a few minutes,' she'd said.

So I tied her face-down on the bed and slipped down her jeans, exposing her onion booty. Then I started to sniff it.

'Oh my...' she'd gone, sort of in a dreamy kind of voice.

The sight of her naked bottom was too much and too tempting. I began to kiss those delicious buttocks.

'N... n... n... o...' she went, in the kind of voice women do if they want you to go on.

My mouth gently kissed over each mound of perfect flesh, gliding across the expanse of booty.

'No... you mustn't...' she moaned. 'P... l... e... a... s... e... d... o... n't...'

My mouth continued on its journey of exploration until I reached her bottom crease. The smell seemed to change and its odour was like something I'd never experienced before. It was a kind of vinegary sour smell. But I still persisted in my quest for anal adoration.

'N... o..!' she groaned.

My tongue protruded and I licked each side of the insides of her crack and her moans were becoming quite loud now. The strange smell was stronger too. My instinct to rim her was now beyond the point of no return.

'S... t... o... p..! she wheezed.

My tongue intruded into her anus and a funny sensation and taste hit me like a hammer. The shock-waves went like a tsunami into my brain just as the precise moment I heard her say with a start.

'I said 'no,' she called out. 'I've got worms!'

The taste was the foulest I've ever encountered. This in turn caused a chain reaction within me.

My mouth involuntarily opened to its full extent. Then I began to call out for Hughie and Ralf. In other words I barked out the unpleasant sounds that always precede an episode of nausea.

A torrent of projectile vomit emitted from my throat onto her prominant backside. Then another. Then another. Half-digested sauage, egg, bacon, tomato, mushrooms, fried bread covered her once pristine posterior.

She had stopped shrieking now and was screaming at the top of her voice. She was uncontrollable.

The rest is just a blur.

I fled in terror and confusion, leaving her tied up and covered in my sick.

I was going back to my flat but I saw the tv news in a shop window and saw the FBI were hunting me. The excuse was they were looking for a pervert who had assaulted a police officer but they didn't elaborate on the details.

Now I'm in deep shit.

Why oh why does it always happen to me?
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  #14  
Old 09-17-2007, 8:45 PM
ChrisK ChrisK is offline
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Sniffing butt is my favrite fetish!
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  #15  
Old 09-18-2007, 4:38 AM
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slave_tongue slave_tongue is offline
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Glued to a beautiful derriere! what luck!!!! When I read that I almost fell out of my chair here at my computer laughing. Sounds more like the luck of the "Irish".
Although I must admit your escapades with your pretty cop lady weren't so much fun.....worms? ewwwwwwwww! no wonder you ralphed!
Keep up the good *work* though, it makes for interesting reading!
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