An undercover - or plain clothes - detective showed up at my door. She was attractive enough to get my attention and her choice in footwear pleased the eye. Name brand strappy mules with knee-high stockings. Her belled pant legs exposed her heels every time she moved. Her name was Julia Xxxxx - Xxxxxxx. Red shoulder length hair, blue eyes, cute freckles, and long freaking legs with a cute ass. "Mr. Johnson, I'll be camping out here, with you, for a day or so." she said confidently. I shrugged and offered her coffee. "I don't need a baby sitter." I said, smirking. Julia smirked back, cocky. and kicked off her heels as she got comfortable. Deep arches - my eyes locked on her feet - well rounded heels - painted nails light purple - inside nude knee highs with reinforced toes. "Wrong choice in shoes, detective?" I asked, laughing. She looked concerned, briefly, and asked, "Are you okay with this? I mean, if you don't like feet or, um...don't approve of strangers removing their shoes in your place..." I laughed at her, and said, "No, I'm fine with it. In fact, you have cute feet." She smiled at that but didn't respond. I let it go at that.
I made lunch and offered Detective Julia some food but she declined and removed a flattened sandwich from her briefcase. "My lunch is a lot more appetizing than yours." I said, chuckling, "Is that academy approved?" She didn't see the humor in it. After lunch I napped for an hour, or so, and walked out onto the deck to smoke a cigarette with my bottled water. Julia sat inside - watching - and said nothing. Just before dinner, I asked, "Will you join me for dinner? I'm a very good cook." Julia shook her head no. I ate alone in the kitchen. After dinner I was going to pop a movie in, and asked, "Do you have a preference?" and read her three titles. She shook her head no. I popped in my preference and relaxed on the couch. "You're welcome to join me over here. At least watch the movie." I said, smiling. She declined. "Well, I'll just bet you're a real card at family functions!" I chastised her. She barely looked at me. The movie started and she sat staring out at the garage and driveway. When the movie ended I decided to sit on the deck for a last coffee and cigarette before bed. Julia watched intently. I finally went to bed.
Three o'clock...I heard a noise out by the garage. I slowly got up out of bed and reached for my .45...and crept into the kitchen. Detective Julia was sound asleep in the chair. I heard the noise, again, and thought about waking the by-the-book-bitch, but then I opted to go alone. I slipped out through the window in the guest room and cautiously made my way around the yard. Ten or fifteen feet from the garage wall...I spied a foot move in the shadows and I pounced. After a brief scuffle I apprehended a man, around thirty years old, and put the muzzle of the gun against his head. He became extremely compliant. Julia jumped as I kicked opened the backdoor and threw her ex-boyfriend to the floor at her feet. "Glen!" she gasped, "What are you doing here? I'm on surveillance!" I burst out laughing, and said, "She was surveying the backs of her eyelids." and walked away.
After Detective Julia sent Glen on his way...she decided to chastise me for going outside alone. "What if that had been our suspect?" she screamed, her face contorting foolishly, "What if that same suspect shot you?" What if..." and I held my hand, as if to say 'stop', and Julia didn't realize it fast enough. Willow came through the backdoor like a maniac - her hands swinging a weapon, like a crowbar, and her eyes burning with rage - and before Detective Julia could reach for her pistol - THWAP! - Willow nailed her across the ribs with the bar. Julia hit the floor like a fifty pound bag of potatoes. As Willow raised the bar above her head to deliver another blow...I grabbed it with my left hand and threw a punch to Willow's mid-section with my right. Willow let out a 'Ooomph' as I spun her around and hit her again. In the mean time...Detective Julia discharged her fire-arm into my ceiling - partly out of fear and partly out of inexperience. Willow fell unconscious beside Detective Julia and I grabbed Julia's fire-arm. "You don't need this, detective. My ceiling won't fire back." I said, extending a hand to the confused cop. "Oh my God!" Julia exclaimed, "I'm afraid I must've panicked." she said, as I helped her to her feet, "But if anyone asks...I took her down not you!" I burst out laughing, and said, "You expect me to lie to the police?!? Are you fucking nuts?" She called it in over her 'radio' and within minutes the driveway was full of flashing lights. When the chief asked what had happened, Detective Julia glared at me, and I said, "According to her, Detective Fuckstick, she took the suspect down. But the truth is...I took her down to save the deadbeat dick...I mean, um...detective." The chief looked from me to Julia, perturbed, and asked, "Is that true detective? Did Mr. Johnson do this to save you?" Oh, if looks could kill...I'd be a dead-man. The chief held out his hand, fingers waggling, and said, "Gimme that detective's badge! You're not ready to wear this badge." I thought about stepping in but...Julia had been rude to me earlier.
After everyone left...Maria crept up on the deck, her eyes scanning the windows and door, and I stepped out of the shadows scaring her half to death. "Did I hear a gunshot earlier?" Maria asked. I nodded my head yes. "Did you have a break-in? Like one of those home invasions?" Maria asked, her brow furrowed with concern. "No...nothing like that." I said, smiling, "Just a dumb cop and a pissed off ex-girlfriend that escaped from the psyche ward. No big deal." Maria laughed nervously. "No big deal, he says." she said aloud, and then giggled nervously, again. "Would you like to, um...come in and help calm my nerves?" I asked, smiling. "No, thank you," Maria said, looking down at her hands, "I think I'm going to go home and put my house back on the market. I can't live like this. Too much excitement for this girl." I felt horrible but there was nothing I could do to stop her. "I wish you'd think it over before you make a hasty decision." I said, trying to calm her down. She turned and walked away, as if in shock, and I went into the house.
The next morning...Kelly stopped by after she'd dropped Dave off at work. "Hope I'm not disturbing you." she said, petting my chest hair, "It's just that...I'm fucking horny." I laughed and invited her in. We fucked for awhile - nothing spectacular - and she left. I showered, dressed, and pulled my bike out for a ride. I hadn't gone a quarter mile from my house when a squad car pulled me over to harass me. Two bogus tickets and off I went. A mile down the road..another squad car pulled me over. Three bogus tickets from him. As I pulled into the Shop's lot another squad car did a u-turn and pulled in behind me. "Do you know why I stopped you?" the uniform asked. I thought to myself - you didn't stop me you self-righteous prick! I pulled in here on my own! "You were doing a wheelie when you realized I was a police officer." he said, whipping out his ticket book. "I'm going to have to impound your bike." he said, smirking. "JAY!" I yelled, and Jay came out the door, "This asshole thinks he's going to impound my bike!" Within a minute...Johnny backed the tow truck up to my bike and Jay handed the cop the form for impound and location of lot it's held in. The cop was furious. He nailed me with three tickets, too. Eight bogus tickets in twenty-three minutes - in four or five miles from my home from three different cops. Jay drove me to the police station and I stormed in there like a mad bull.
"Can I help you with something?" asked the desk clerk. "Where's Chief Xxxxxx?" I growled, holding the eight tickets in my fist. The desk clerk started to say the chief was busy when I saw him walking in the hall. "Chief!" I yelled, as two uniforms swarmed in. They tried grabbing me but I shook them loose and proceeded towards the chief. "What's the problem here?" the chief asked, pushing a uniform away from me, "Why are you all trying to subdue Mr. Johnson?" They stood at ease with their heads down. I held up the eight tickets, and growled, "Eight fucking tickets from three different cops in less than thirty minutes from my home, and then...the last one, Officer Xxxxxxxxx, tried to impound my bike!" The chief shook his head, and demanded the desk clerk call the three cops back to base along with former detective Julia. "Get them all in here - in my office - within five minutes or they're all going on administrative leave."
Hello everyone. Thank you for your concern as to my where-abouts but I've been out of town with no access to a computer. Death in the biker family - out of state - but I'll be back to my memoirs tomorrow or Friday. Thanks again.
Good to have you back with us! Sometimes life has a way of interfering with the best laid of plans. Please know that you have been missed. You have a lot of friends on this board and we feel more than an idle attachment to you and your stories.
Chief Xxxxxx reprimanded all of them and put two of them on leave pending an internal investigation. I walked away feeling good about the situation - until former detective Julia Dipstick attacked me with a baton. She bashed the back of my head and knocked me to my knees and kicked me hard in the ribs. I fell to my side as former detective Julia Dipstick stomped a heeled foot down on my hip. I yelled out in pain as I lashed out with my leg knocking her off balance, her shoe flying off, and she slammed to the blacktop on her ass. I sat up fast and she kicked my face with her stocking foot, knocking me back down onto my back, and then she stood up and stomped my chest beneath her stocking foot. As I punched her shin she mashed her stocking foot down on my throat attempting to choke me - she actually stood up on it full weight - and surprisingly - my cock got hard. She was a good looking woman, after all, and I am a man with sexual desires. Suddenly, former detective Dipstick flew off of me as a uniformed cop tackled her to the ground. I sat up rubbing my throat and coughing. Chief Xxxxxx rushed to help me to my feet. "Oh my God, Mr. Johnson...I'm so sorry!" he exclaimed, dusting me off. I pushed him away, turned to the now handcuffed former detective Dipstick, and punched her right in the face. She passed out on her way to the ground...THUD...and concussed herself. "Let him be!" the Chief yelled at his uniforms, "She had that coming."
Back home...I grabbed a bottle of iced tea and lit a cigarette. A strange car pulled into the driveway and a very attractive woman exited the vehicle. "Are you Mogli Johnson?" she asked, smiling. "Depends," I said, smiling back, "on who's asking." Her name was Margarita but her friends called her Rita. She was part of the public relations department for the city police and mayor's office. She was dressed in semi-dressy black pants, blue blouse, and black heels. She carried a briefcase. "May I ask you a few questions about the incidents you've dealt with today?" she asked, walking up onto my deck. "Wouldn't you be better off talking to my lawyer?" I asked, exhaling a cloud of smoke. "I'm hoping it won't come to that, sir." she said, setting her briefcase down. "Don't call me sir. Sit down. Want some tea?" I said, staring into her dark brown eyes. "Yes, please...iced tea is fine." she said, opening the briefcase. I grabbed her an iced tea.
As she filled out some stupid form I checked out her shoes and caught glimpses of skin between the pant leg and shoe. Just a hint of toe cleavage showed when she shifted her crossed legs and then dangled a heel off her toes...exposing a well rounded smooth heel and slight arch. I felt my cock twitch in my jeans. "Are you here to stand on my throat and finish the job that Julia Dipstick started?" I asked, lighting another cigarette. Rita laughed nervously, and said, "Don't be foolish, Mr. Johnson. I'm here to help correct the wrong that you've been through." I finished my iced tea, and said, "Please...call me Mogli." Forty-five minutes later...we were in my bed fucking like teenagers after prom. Rita smelled deliciously like vanilla - her perfume of choice - spritzed from neck to ankle. Yes, I even smelled her ankles... and kissed her slightly sweaty soles that smelled of vinegar. Rita came four times while I fucked her silly. Finally, I conceded to cum while thinking of Julia Dipstick standing on my throat. "Ahh," I moaned, slumping to Rita's side, "that was nice." Rita rubbed a palm on my stomach, and said, "Promise me you won't tell the mayor about this." I burst out laughing, and said, "I oughta tell the fucking media! Get this on the news. Shit! Did I turn on the video recorder?" Rita slapped me, "Don't you dare say that!" she said, giggling nervously.
Twenty minutes later...Rita closed her briefcase and thanked me for 'an amazing interview'. Then Chief Xxxxx pulled in to ask questions. I spoke with him for ten minutes, and he was pleased to hear Rita had been to see me. "You're not suing, are you?" Chief asked. "No, I'm not stupid." I said, shaking his hand. He left happy. I went inside to shower and start dinner.
I was halfway through my dinner when...suddenly, I was short of breath - labored breathing and sweating profusely. I sat touching my chest wondering if I was having a heart attack. Sweat ran down my face. I slowly got up and called the shop, "I think I'm dying, brother!" I said to Jay...and I hit the floor. Minutes seemed like hours as I lay there on the floor waiting for help. Jay and Johnny burst through the door and the emergency technicians followed them in. Gurney - straps - intravenous - EKG - emergency room - doctors - x-rays - nurses...my head was spinning. Then a foreign doctor said, "You can take this, Mr. Johnson. This will help." Within a few minutes I burped - a long deep burp - that lasted several minutes but relieved the strain on my breathing. "That's it?" Jay asked, standing next to my bed. "It appears Mr. Johnson had a large gas bubble pressing on his lungs. Labored breathing and lack of oxygen led to the sweating and light-headed feeling. He'll be fine." And just like that...they discharged me.
Back home...Johnny was looking at my dinner, or rather what was left of it, and then he dug through the trash and pulled the meat package out. "Oh, for God's sake. Look at the date on this thing!" Johnny exclaimed. I grabbed the package and examined the date...it had expired the week before - "Best if USED by:" I tossed the package on the table and laughed. "Great. All the shit I've been through in my life and I almost died eating bad meat?" I said, laughing. Suddenly, I ran for the bathroom and barely got my ass on the toilet - and my insides exploded. Diarrhea - and it was bad. The stink was horrendous. Just when I'd finished shitting - I projectile vomited against the wall and into the tub - and then more diarrhea flowed from my ass. "What the...BLAGHCH!!?" and I threw up, again. Jay and Johnny yelled from the kitchen, not willing to come any closer, "Are you okay? Should we get you back to the hospital?" Suddenly, I was shaking violently, and sweat ran from my scalp. "Call me an ambulance!" I yelled.
Back in the emergency room - it appeared I had all the symptoms of food poisoning. Five and a half hours I sat there getting flushed out and washed off and flushed out some more. The poor nurse that was stuck with me had the patience of a saint as she continued nursing me back to health. Finally, the doctor came in, after I'd been stable for thirty minutes, or so, and said, "We'll send you home but you'll follow the diet we give you for forty-eight hours. Yes?" I nodded my head yes. Johnny drove me home. "You gonna be alright, bro?" the kid asked, honestly concerned, "Would you like me to stick around awhile?" I thanked him and sent him home to his wife and kid. In the house - it took me two hours to clean up the mess I'd made in the bathroom. I was starving but afraid to eat. I sipped ice water through a straw and watched an old movie. My stomach sounded as if aliens had set up camp in there. Then came a knock on the door.
"Can I help you?" I asked, peering at a young woman standing on my deck. "Hi, I'm Brenda. I just moved in across the street and I'm not sure if I blew a breaker or the bulbs but, suddenly I have no lights in the dining room." I slipped on my boots, untied, and followed her across the street. She stood at the top of the stairs as I descended into the dark basement in search of the breaker panel. I checked the breakers and found one popped. Brenda called out, "That's it. Wow!" I found the pull string to turn on the utility light near the panel and pulled it on. "Come on down, Brenda. I'll show you how to do this...in case you have any issues." She came down and I explained to her how to check the panel. She thanked me. As we were climbing the stairs to the first floor I noticed Brenda's feet...approximately size eights, probably EE, and her nails were nicely polished in a bright red. I thought about it for a minute, and told myself, 'Don't you dare! Don't even think about it!'
I sat on my deck thinking about it. Brenda's feet looked quite nicely pedicured and women don't usually spend money on pedicures unless they want their feet noticed. I kept running the thought over in my head when I saw a car pull in across the street. A bulky woman climbed out of the car and walked up to Brenda's front door - where Brenda met her with a very passionate lip-lock. 'She's a lesbian?' I asked myself, 'Damn it!' Within twenty minutes the house across the street was dark. Lights out - and lesbian sex probably going on in the bedroom. 'Fuck!' I growled as I walked inside.