An Englishman in New York Pt1


New Member
Mar 31, 2009
Merchant Seaman Joe Large had never been to New York before, never told the fact that in this particular American city, Women outnumbered men by 5 to 1.

So, it didn't occur to Joe that it might be dangerous to be out drinking in New York at night, and after 6 weeks on a dry tanker, Joe meant to have a skinful, so he popped into a taxi at the docks and said to the taxi driver, who happened to be a very nice looking latina lady.

"Take me to the best bar in town"

"The best bar for what... sir" she asked back.

"Somewhere friendly where I can get drunk, get something to eat and chill out after six weeks of being cooped up in that thing" Joe indicated to the Tanker tied up at the quayside.

The lady taxi driver started to drive, and was talking to Joe along the way.

"That's a nice accent, where are you from ?"

"England, you don't sound like a New Yorker, where are you from ?"

"Columbia, don't worry, I don't have any drugs" she replied.

Joe laughed "What's your name?"

"Pilar" The taxi driver replied

"I know it's a bit cheeky, but would you like to join me for a drink" Joe asked.

Pilar went quiet, her dark brown eyes considered Joe carefully.

"No" she replied "I don't think it would be fair to you, has no one told you about New York ?"

"What about it ?" Joe replied confused

"For every man there are 5 Women, which means that it is dangerous for a man to be out on their own at night, men go missing here, on the rare occasions when they turn up again they are usually empty husks, like they have been drained."

"God, that sounds weird" replied Joe "I am a big boy now and I can take care of myself"

"Well, don't say I didn't warn you" Pilar replied. The car stopped at this seedy looking bar in a parade of shops that had various eating establishments. Joe paid Pilar the fare before getting out of the cab.

"Well if you change your mind, you know where to find me" Joe fired at Pilar as his parting shot

He turned and entered the bar, which seemed to be full of city women, he sat down at the counter and ordered a beer from the barmaid, who also looked as if she was of Latin extraction.

"Have you got any crisps ?" Joe asked the Barmaid

"What are crisps ?, Man I love your accent, English right ?"

"Thanks" replied Joe, you know, potato, sliced thin fried to be crispy, served in a bag"

"You mean potato chips" Enthused the bar maid, she went to a box underneath the far end of the counter, as she bent down, Joe could see the fabric of her short black skirt stretch itself across the barmaids ass.

She bought the "Crisps" back to Joe

"How much ?" Joe said getting his wallet out.

"The group of ladies in the corner said to put it on their tab" the barmaid replied.

Joe looked to the corner where the barmaid had indicated and sure enough, there were 4 women, all in their late twenties, attractive, fit and rich looking, however, even from a distance there seemed to be this feral hunger emanating from their table, however Joe put it down to having his mind conditioned by Pilar in the cab. He raised his glass to the girls and chugged it down in one.

"I'll have another one please" Joe requested of the barmaid. She went to the far end of the bar to pour his drink. One of the Women got up from the table and spoke to the bar maid who was pouring Joes drink. She seemed to nod in affirmation to what the Woman was saying, then bought Joes drink to him.

"The ladies say that they'll buy you drinks all night if you'll join their table"

"Well they've got themselves a deal" Joe replied, he got up from his stool and made his way to the table where the ladies were seated.


To be continued....

Sorry largely just setup in this part, next installment is where Joe bites off more than he can chew in a drinking competition and ends up having to perform a forfeit by being tied to the table with a leash and having to perform cunnilingus on all the ladies at the table.