Mind fuck

This is gonna be a long post, so I may have to divide it two parts.
I am a pro domme, and have recently been experimenting with power play in my sessions. I am bored with the usual scenario where the slave/submissive contacts me with his interests then I deliver said interests. What I really enjoy is a mind fuck- pulling the rug from under the guy's feet so he doesn't know what to expect or what's coming next- and nor do I! To create this atmosphere, I decided to muddy the set roles between mistress and slave, confusing the slave and making things exciting for me as well. There is entirely too much safety in the domina and submissive assuming their set roles. Fuck the comfort zone!

I set my ideas in motion in a session with one of my regulars, a very devoted submissive. The session began with me asking him to count out his tribute, bill by bill, on the table, in front of me. Usually the money part is done quickly, and one doesn't dwell on it. It is a quick ritual. No longer! In counting out his cash, the slave discovered he was short. He was embarrassed, and amended his mistake. I said nothing. Then I told him to pay me what he would LIKE to pay me. Long pause. He crafts his answer, to please me, no doubt. He replies he would like to pay me what is on the table. Why? I ask. Do you think I deserve it? He responds, rambling a bit, but I watch silently till he finishes speaking. It is amazing how much a person will talk, trying to justify himself, when the interrogator is silent!

Next I asked him to remove my skirt. Usually the slave is the one who undresses, but not this time. So he removed my skirt, non-plussed, and left me standing there in panties,stockings, garters, and a halter top and bra.
"Touch me", I ordered. He was looking at our reflections in the mirror, and doubtfully, after some hesitation, touched the outside of my thighs.
"No", I said, "you don't want to touch me there. Touch me where you want to touch me." Nervously, he touches my ass. "Good".

Then I have him place two chairs facing each other, cuff his hands in police cuffs, sit him down in one of the chairs, and tie his feet to the posts. He is still fully clothed, and I am wearing less clothes than he is. Why should the slave get naked right away as he is used to? I sit in the chair facing him.

For 5 whole minutes I sit there, not moving, not speaking. I stare at him, never taking my eyes off his.
Continued in part two.
Mind fuck part 2

Of course, he starts to talk. He asks me questions, which I don't answer, then he talks about how uncomfortable he is. He looks away, but every time he returns his gaze, I am staring right at him. Then he talks about more intimate things, like his feelings, and why he is a submissive, not a slave. This is what I really want to hear- the inner workings of the submissive's mind, without having to force the info out of him. Unguarded, he reveals all. Information is power!

When the 5 minutes of silence on my part elapsed, I undid my halter top and chucked it to the side. So I am clad in lingerie only. Then I grab a pack of cigarettes plus lighter, and place them on his thigh. Of course he thinks I' m going to burn him, but I smoke an entire cigarette without doing so. I still remain silent. The expressions on his face! Priceless! While smoking, I unbutton his shirt. I place my stiletto on his cock. He continues to babble out info I don't respond to, but file away for future use.

Then I light another cig. Finally I speak: "You know, YOU are in control". He looks surprised. I begin burning his chest, armpits and stomach lightly, then harder and harder. Ash falls on the carpet. The carpet begins to burn. I ignore it. Finally the slave points it out. I immediately extinguish the smoldering carpet with my foot. After all, he is in control! Soon, the sub begins to protest that I am going past his limits with the cigarette burning. I press the cig on his nipple and don't remove it. I say: "you are in control, remember? Why don't you tell me to stop?" He screams stop and I do so. The slave is totally confused now. Is he to give orders to me now? Is he truly in control?

I release him from the chair, order him to get naked. When he is nude in front of me, I ask him " Are we equal?" He replies "no". Then I ask him to remove my shoes. I am standing, he is kneeling. I keep my feet on the ground, so he has to tell me to lift my foot, etc. Once I lift my foot, I leave it dangling in the air until he sheepishly tells me to set it down again so he can remove the other shoe. So now, the roles are reversed, and he is telling me what to do, for which, of course, he will be punished later. And so we proceed with my stockings and garters.

I now have my back to him. I order him to remove my bra. (no sub has ever seen me naked. He knows I never get naked for sessions because I feel a domina shouldn't indulge her slave with visions of her beautiful naked body). So, unsure, he removes my bra. then I order him to take off my panties. He does it. I turn to face him. His eyes quickly drop to see my nude form, then I command him to look me in the eyes. He does. "Are we equal?' I ask again. He responds "no Mistress Steal".
Good! I blindfold him, and before he knows what hit him, give him a hard swift kick in the balls.

Anyway, that is only the beginning of the 2 hour session.
It was the most illuminating 2 hours I' ve ever had in my profession. I really believe a session shouldn't be comfortable mentally. A seasoned slave and mistress are usually quite relaxed during a session, in the sense that both are in their established, pre-determined comfort zone/role. Increasingly, to me, the conventional order of things, where the slave contacts the mistress with his interests, she crafts a session catering to those interests, and he pays her x amount for her services is boring. That scenario gives far too much control to the slave, just because he is a paying customer and expects the session to go a certain way. Why not fuck with his expectations?
Why not craft a session where, although his interests are included, and his limits respected, he is truly kept on his toes? Where the comfort zone is erased?
Anyway, enough for now. In chatting with my submissive after the session , we discovered we both felt elated and learned a lot about ourselves. Fem dom can truly be a path to self discovery!
Yeah- that session really turned a page for me in my work. I asked the sub who did the session with me to share his thoughts on the experience, so the readers of this thread can get a fuller picture. I hope he shares his thoughts soon! Of course, I can't really force him to - lol. My powers extend only so far......
I think one of the downsides of the internet is that the mystery and excitement behind a session is harder to re-create because every fetish has been over exposed to the nth degree. There is a limit to what kind of contraptions and tricks a domina can come up with. So instead of looking for originality in the activities I did with the sub, I decided to look for originality in the way the session was conducted. It made for a fresh experience!
wheels spinning

I' m having trouble using the "reply to quote formula" - keeps saying my message is too short (WTF?) and I can't post it, so I gotta erase the quotes and answer them as one text.

Mental stimulation- that is it exactly! Ideally, mental stimulation would occur for both parties. I like to keep things interesting for myself, or why am I doing this? That is why I decided to take risks and do an unconventional session that I was unsure about - would the slave walk out, bored?, etc- because he isn't getting what he paid for? What he expects as a paying customer?Instead of putting his needs first because he is a paying customer, I made my own just as important. Ironically, isn't that theoretically what a domme should do, and the slave aim to do, please the domina? Though we all know that as a profession, if she wants to retain her clients, the domme cannot always put her interests first. SO I played with that a bit. Incidentally, the rest of the session, which I didn't describe, contained many of his favorite BDSM activities, just delivered with a twist.


I just did this to signal to him that this was going to be an unusual session- that all the normal rituals that go unquestioned in a session, such as graciously delivering and accepting the tribute, were not going to be smoothly glossed over here. That nothing would go as expected. Hence the haggling over the money. It also made both of us uncomfortable, which is exactly the effect I wanted to produce here.
Normally, I would never do a session like this, and do not plan to do such a session often. Only the rare time would I do a session like this. Only with a very specific submissive whom I know very well. And it can only be done once.
I think I subconsciously did a "fucked up " session like that to learn more about myself and the dynamics of power play. Who truly has the power? Because, hey, we know that in my case, this is a business, and ultimately I have to cater to the client if I want to stay in business. but the client aside, what do I want?
What do I truly want from a session? I don't fully have the answers to that yet, but I am actively exploring this. And I have a better idea!


Well, I always felt that seduction is an integral process to every session. Even though I have never removed my clothes in any other session- except my panties for a golden shower, I believe in tease and denial and the domme having more power by not getting naked. But here, I blatantly (albeit briefly) got naked - on purpose. I went against my own belief system, to see how the slave would react and would I feel less powerful when I was reduced to a visual, sexual object? Because at the end of the day, a man doesn't come to see a domme for an asexual experience. It is a sexual experience! That is why he comes. So is the domme then a sexual instrument? Playing with the slave, doing BDSM activities for his sexual fulfillment? And if the domme is a sexual instrument, is she then by definition on par with an escort, both fulfilling the same function for the man? I am not interested in yes or no answers to these questions, I am interested in how I feel when I literally explore them.

Indeed! hahaha....I thought he'd get bored and want to leave, or walk out. But he didn't. He was very uncomfortable, and I wanted to see if he would use his safe word, or how he would extricate himself from the situation. Would he tell me to fuck off? Etc. I enjoyed taking this risk tremendously.
As it happened, luckily he loved the session! And again, he is a sub whom I know quite well, having spent time chatting with him aside from sessions, and going for coffee, etc.
I would never do such a session with a new client, or a masochist, or the kind of client who just wants his hour of domination and thank-you ma'am. I chose a specific client for this session, who I already knew through talking to him that he loved exploring and fucking around with levels of comfort and "the meaning behind it all".
I guess this session was more a performance art piece than a session!
Anyhow, thanks for all the feedback- my wheels are spinning and I am learning a lot.
Sep 6, 2008
Hello Ms Steal, it would be the slightly elusive sub male from the mindfuck session with a few thoughts on what you have so kindly written in this forum.

First of all I would like to thank you for the most amazing, intense, provocative session I have ever had in my 20 plus years of visiting professional dommes. It really was quite striking in its clarity, its foresight, and its sheer brilliant subversion of established narratives.

Ms Steal's account is completely accurate and instead of me just reifying it I though I would comment from my own perspective on some of what's contained in these posts. I would also like to offer some thoughts as a way of offering context because I firmly believe what the lovely Ms Steal has created is quite significant.

"Without an element of cruelty at the root of every spectacle, the theatre is not possible" This a partial quote from Antonin Artaud, a French playwright from the first half of the 20th century. In his influential book 'The Theatre and its Double' he comes up with what he calls 'The Theatre of Cruelty', a new way to break through the false realities that cloud our perception. I would rewrite the quote as 'Without an element of theatre cruelty is not possible'. The domme has to be 'seen' being cruel. This is the heart of the femdom engagement; the crux of the matter. What I mean by this is as far as I understand it, what Ms Steal was attempting to do with all her provocations was to get to the heart of what exactly a session between a Dominatrix and a slave is all about. This is where the Artaud comes in, they are both after the same thing; to use elements of exaggerated performance to realize a rare moment of clarity. Ms Steal draws attention to her 'cruelty' by subverting the power exchange that gives that cruelty context to perform in and in principle isolates that cruelty in a way to make the sub(me) question the very nature of it's existence and purpose. By doing this she achieves a hyper-awareness in session that becomes more intense and real than the more traditional aspects because the barriers we create are broken down more completely allowing a more truthful relationship to ones own submission to emerge.

Theatre is an art form, and in the last few years I have thought a lot about it's corollary in the worlds of BDSM. Without being able to validate it to my own satisfaction, I have had the idea that professional domination could be a form of living art. Art is defined by its contextual(how it's received, its intent, the culture it comes from etc) values as much as it inherent(craft, intent, theory, etc) values and I believe BDSM play can also be defined by the same values, putting on equal footing as art thus becoming art. I have had occasion to see Ms Steal on a non professional level for some marvelously energetic discussions which often explore the relationship between art and femdom and have often suspected that she may be uniquely situated to make those connections less tenuous, more explicit and last Saturday night she did.

My own sense is that everything she did was meant to further a larger overriding plan which was to completely challenge me and herself in a way neither one of had encountered before. Boredom? No, just the urge to push further and to create something that may be completely new which is no small thing and to fully realize that newness as an art form with which she could create art. Andy Warhol, in the early 1960's, silkscreened cardboard boxes with the Brillo box logo and exhibited them in a gallery. Now why were those boxes 'art' and not the ones silkscreened by the Brillo company to contain their product? No one quite knows and in the same vein of inquiry why is Ms Steal's complete denial and subversion of fantasy realization not femdom? After all, she's in control, theoretically, as the needs fantasy would indicate. This is where I am with what went on, at least how I understand it from the perspective of Bijou Steal as an artist, creating something wonderful with the medium of power exchange.
This is where I would like to leave off but I will post more in the coming weeks on this thread and once again Ms Steal, thank you.
One more thing

I guess, to put the whole thing in perspective, I should specify the premise of the session as well.
My sub and I, in planning for the session, discussed a role play scenario. I told the sub to pick the theme, and he requested a session where I would be a demon, plundering his id. Basically, getting into his mind and mucking about.
To me, a demon is a provoker; a mocker. So I decided to extend the mockery not only to him but to the very concept of the session itself.

I'd also like to thank my sub for expressing his thoughts and clarifying the issues we were exploring in our session.