Need some Relationship advice...

Jan 10, 2007
199
0
16
New York
#1
I don't know if this is the right place to come asking about this stuff... but it says general forums, and I look up to a lot of the members that use this site. I lurk a ton, so I see a lot of the conversations, and there are a lot of people in this community that come here for more than just the femdom aspect of it. There really is some sort of odd bond that formed between members here, and I honestly don't know where else to turn. It is kind of a long read, so I don't expect many people to deal with my bitching for so long. I am just fucking miserable, and I would love advice from a seasoned older gentlemen (Or lady) because my friends are all around my age, and I can't take any advice from them and actually listen to it.

Guys (Ladies), I am hurt, really bad. The best, yet most confusing, relationship of my life just ended, and I feel so depressed over it. I don't know what to do, and I don't know how to move on. The only reasonable thing to do now though, is to tell you what happened exactly.

I'm not a particularly suave young man. I'm nineteen, and the girl that broke my heart was my first real girl friend, and I started dating her when I was 18. I started dating her in December, and as I said I am not a ladies man. It was a miracle that I found this girl. She was pretty, intelligent, liked everything I liked, and she was incredibly open sexually. (I am sure you all know what that means)

However, there was a problem. She is younger then me... and seeing as I am 19, and even if she isn't much younger, I can't go into any details of anything cause I would rather not be banned from the forums (Cause I love this place so much). Why was this a problem you ask? Well her parents are extreme greek orthodox and pretty religious, the exact opposite of her. So she wasn't allowed to date, and especially not an older guy. We however decided not to let that deter us and we kept it a secret from most people.

I guess that was the first problem, because it was a secret, I didn't get to see her a lot. I saw her maybe a few times a month after she finished school. If we were lucky we could catch a movie, and if we felt raunchy she would sneak over for some after school delight. So I became attached to her. As I said, she was my first girl friend... she was also my first kiss, my first... everything. Plus she was an amazing girl as is... the only one I have been able to spend hours on the phone with at a time. Every day, hours, until the wee morning light would peak.

I know, I sound like some dumb teen, and I probably am. We only dated for what, 7-8 months, but it was really something else. Anyway things were good for a long time. I fell in love with her, and vice versa. I wasn't her first but that didn't matter. Another problem however, was her first was still around. This kid was a douchebag. A real asshole. He was controlling, obsessive, and jealous over everything. He however did not know about us, because she didn't want to upset him because they were best friends. Nothing went on between them, but I know they talked everyday, and I would see their little love notes back and forth on facebook, and it made me feel introverted and like an inconvenience.

So anyway, he was a side thing. The main problem was that I went to her birthday as a "friend". Her brother however, a total tool bag, suspected something between us and told their parents without any evidence that we were dating and "fucking". I guess those were both true, but he had no proof... and that really fucking ruined everything.

She became paranoid, because of her distrust in her family. Things started going downhill. We still never fought, in 8 months we had never argued once... but she was becoming more distant. She vanished for two weeks, only texting me to keep our talking streak going. I later learned it was because she was crying. After that, she cut us off because she couldn't deal with the stress. I was miserable. I was okay though at that point. We agreed to wait, and we would be together again when she was either older or after her brother left.

That didn't happen though. She would still talk to me, and I became her best friend, and she still told me that she loved me everyday. She texts me hearts, and love and we talk all the time... but then last week she got a new boyfriend. Some emo kid, idk... he seems like a nice guy but it is killing me. She says I am still her best friend, and that she still loves me but that we can't be together. It is killing me, because I still love her too, but she is with another guy.

I don't know what to do fellow MDFF goers. I can't get over her. She was so amazing, and open. The first time I told her about my fetish she was extremely into it. Hell, after we did it she LIKED doing it, and would do it on her own, without me asking. I just miss what we had... we still have something, but idk if we will ever date again. I hate being her best friend, I want to be her boyfriend, but I don't want to cut her off because then 1. I would never have a chance and 2. I would lose a really good friend.

I tried getting with other girls, and it kind of worked. It didn't feel the same though. The girl didn't fill the hole that Katt left. She is a sweet girl, but I feel like it is just a rebound thing, and I don't want to hurt her.

What do I do MDFF? I am sorry for the long rant no one wants to read. I am just miserable, and I figured a lot of older gentlemen with life experience come here. I could use some.
 
Aug 27, 2002
7,186
1
36
Florida
Visit site
#2
First of all, every one of us here has felt that sting when the first real relationship we experienced ended so you aren't the first person that has felt that way.

I can tell you this (although it won't do much to stop your pain now) life is constantly throwing new shit at us every day especially at your age...trust me when I say not only will you survive...but you'll find something even better.

It may not be apparent now but as you get older, the things you want out of a woman and a relationship will change too. She may be what you think you want now but odds are, in a few years you'll wonder what all the fuss was about especially after you find that someone else you consider a perfect match for yourself..

I'm going to say something you might not find pleasant but it's for your own good. Your ex-girlfriend didn't do you no favors with some of her behaviors you described in the above post. She was going out with you yet playing this game of not telling her first boyfriend about you two....to be quite blunt, that's just plain bullshit. If she really cared about you, she should have been considerate of your feelings about this.

Whatever reason she gave you about it...(and be honest about this to yourself), do you really think that's the right behavior for someone who professes to care about you?

I can speak from experience when I say you really ought to thank your lucky stars this is over so you can go on and experience a real relationship without an unnecessary amount of bullshit drama involved.

The girl didn't fill the hole that Katt left.

Of course not, you haven't emotionally left your old girlfriend yet. There is absolutely no chance of any of them succeeding until you let go of her.

I want to leave you with some man to man advice that you won't fully appreciate for a few years but if you see this post in a few years I know you'll say " you know he was right".

What's gonna happen in a few years is you're going to look back on this experience and especially your behavior during this breakup and you're gonna be one of two things...

1) you're gonna be embarrassed as hell because you made a fool out of yourself in trying to keep together a situation that you came to realize later was hopeless at succeeding in the first place.

2) you handled it like a man and accepting it just wasn't meant to be, and you did yourself ultimately the biggest favor of all by letting her go and going out and looking for that special woman you do deserve in your life.

Finding that special person to share all of your life's experiences with is probably the greatest feeling of all and I recommend it to anyone. There is no reason you can't have it either. I can promise you the only person that can prevent you from sharing in that type of happiness is you.

What you're experiencing right now inside you is personal rejection. That's probably one of the hardest feelings in the world to have to deal with and we all have. But always keep something in mind here, you tried your best and did all the right things but you learned a valuable lesson about relationships... it only succeeds when you BOTH have that same mentality.

Let her go and move onward and upwards.You owe it to yourself.
 
Last edited:
Jan 10, 2007
199
0
16
New York
#3
You are a wise man undrneath1, I was kind of hoping you would be one of the ones to respond. =)

And I know I am not the only one who experienced this, that is why I came here, because there are a lot of older men who have experienced this kind of thing, and give me solid advice. I was right it seems.

I guess it was my fault though that she kept talking to him. She asked me if it bothered me that they were talking like that still, but I knew they were best friends. I was too lenient and I didn't want to make her upset so I let them keep going on knowing she wouldn't cheat on me. It still hurt watching their talks though.


I wish your advice was easy to take though. It is one thing to say it, another to do it. I've told myself so many times I should just move on... but I am having trouble. I feel like if she told me to go fuck myself and she never wanted to talk to me again I could accept it easier. Instead I am her best friend... and she is one of mine, and it kind of sucks.

The problem I am having IS letting go. She was my first girl for everything, including things I thought I would never get the chance to do. I'm scared I won't find another girl, let alone one that I do actually like. I mean there is another girl I really like, and she may be the most amazing person ever but I don't want to ruin my friendship with her. I've had a "crush" on her for three years at this point, but I don't want to make her uncomfortable around me. Outside of her... I currently don't know anyone who I want to be with, and I want to fill this hole fast. It sucks.


Thanks for the talk my friend. It helps knowing someone can talk to me about it.
 

Cushnface

New Member
Aug 5, 2006
870
0
0
#4
You are a wise man undrneath1, I was kind of hoping you would be one of the ones to respond. =)

And I know I am not the only one who experienced this, that is why I came here, because there are a lot of older men who have experienced this kind of thing, and give me solid advice. I was right it seems.

I guess it was my fault though that she kept talking to him. She asked me if it bothered me that they were talking like that still, but I knew they were best friends. I was too lenient and I didn't want to make her upset so I let them keep going on knowing she wouldn't cheat on me. It still hurt watching their talks though.


I wish your advice was easy to take though. It is one thing to say it, another to do it. I've told myself so many times I should just move on... but I am having trouble. I feel like if she told me to go fuck myself and she never wanted to talk to me again I could accept it easier. Instead I am her best friend... and she is one of mine, and it kind of sucks.

The problem I am having IS letting go. She was my first girl for everything, including things I thought I would never get the chance to do. I'm scared I won't find another girl, let alone one that I do actually like. I mean there is another girl I really like, and she may be the most amazing person ever but I don't want to ruin my friendship with her. I've had a "crush" on her for three years at this point, but I don't want to make her uncomfortable around me. Outside of her... I currently don't know anyone who I want to be with, and I want to fill this hole fast. It sucks.


Thanks for the talk my friend. It helps knowing someone can talk to me about it.


Kintaro1,

I went through the exact thing with an old girlfriend that you are going through. She was, after a few girlfriends, the first one I felt I was in love with...she meant everything to me. We both broke up because we both wanted to see other people. It was fine the first three weeks, then it hit me...hard...I was still in love with her...the old expression, 'time heals all wounds' does work. It may be something you don't want to hear now, but you will eventually get over this.

You're not giving yourself a chance by negative thinking. Start thinking more positively, especially about yourself.
Don't forget about you friends. Talk with them, hang with them. When I was in love with the girl, I forgot about my male friends. I wanted to spend all my time with her. Almost stopped seeing them entirely. It took a long time for them to come around after we broke up.
Give this time a chance to work through, and get beyond your feelings now. It will happen. You will meet someone else just as important.
Above all, don't lose a sense of humor...
 

hellgrinder

Masorotica.com
Aug 29, 2002
4,786
173
63
Masorotica Empire
www.clips4sale.com
#5
I don't know if this is the right place to come asking about this stuff... but it says general forums, and I look up to a lot of the members that use this site. I lurk a ton, so I see a lot of the conversations, and there are a lot of people in this community that come here for more than just the femdom aspect of it. There really is some sort of odd bond that formed between members here, and I honestly don't know where else to turn. It is kind of a long read, so I don't expect many people to deal with my bitching for so long. I am just fucking miserable, and I would love advice from a seasoned older gentlemen (Or lady) because my friends are all around my age, and I can't take any advice from them and actually listen to it.

Guys (Ladies), I am hurt, really bad. The best, yet most confusing, relationship of my life just ended, and I feel so depressed over it. I don't know what to do, and I don't know how to move on. The only reasonable thing to do now though, is to tell you what happened exactly.

I'm not a particularly suave young man. I'm nineteen, and the girl that broke my heart was my first real girl friend, and I started dating her when I was 18. I started dating her in December, and as I said I am not a ladies man. It was a miracle that I found this girl. She was pretty, intelligent, liked everything I liked, and she was incredibly open sexually. (I am sure you all know what that means)

However, there was a problem. She is younger then me... and seeing as I am 19, and even if she isn't much younger, I can't go into any details of anything cause I would rather not be banned from the forums (Cause I love this place so much). Why was this a problem you ask? Well her parents are extreme greek orthodox and pretty religious, the exact opposite of her. So she wasn't allowed to date, and especially not an older guy. We however decided not to let that deter us and we kept it a secret from most people.

I guess that was the first problem, because it was a secret, I didn't get to see her a lot. I saw her maybe a few times a month after she finished school. If we were lucky we could catch a movie, and if we felt raunchy she would sneak over for some after school delight. So I became attached to her. As I said, she was my first girl friend... she was also my first kiss, my first... everything. Plus she was an amazing girl as is... the only one I have been able to spend hours on the phone with at a time. Every day, hours, until the wee morning light would peak.

I know, I sound like some dumb teen, and I probably am. We only dated for what, 7-8 months, but it was really something else. Anyway things were good for a long time. I fell in love with her, and vice versa. I wasn't her first but that didn't matter. Another problem however, was her first was still around. This kid was a douchebag. A real asshole. He was controlling, obsessive, and jealous over everything. He however did not know about us, because she didn't want to upset him because they were best friends. Nothing went on between them, but I know they talked everyday, and I would see their little love notes back and forth on facebook, and it made me feel introverted and like an inconvenience.

So anyway, he was a side thing. The main problem was that I went to her birthday as a "friend". Her brother however, a total tool bag, suspected something between us and told their parents without any evidence that we were dating and "fucking". I guess those were both true, but he had no proof... and that really fucking ruined everything.

She became paranoid, because of her distrust in her family. Things started going downhill. We still never fought, in 8 months we had never argued once... but she was becoming more distant. She vanished for two weeks, only texting me to keep our talking streak going. I later learned it was because she was crying. After that, she cut us off because she couldn't deal with the stress. I was miserable. I was okay though at that point. We agreed to wait, and we would be together again when she was either older or after her brother left.

That didn't happen though. She would still talk to me, and I became her best friend, and she still told me that she loved me everyday. She texts me hearts, and love and we talk all the time... but then last week she got a new boyfriend. Some emo kid, idk... he seems like a nice guy but it is killing me. She says I am still her best friend, and that she still loves me but that we can't be together. It is killing me, because I still love her too, but she is with another guy.

I don't know what to do fellow MDFF goers. I can't get over her. She was so amazing, and open. The first time I told her about my fetish she was extremely into it. Hell, after we did it she LIKED doing it, and would do it on her own, without me asking. I just miss what we had... we still have something, but idk if we will ever date again. I hate being her best friend, I want to be her boyfriend, but I don't want to cut her off because then 1. I would never have a chance and 2. I would lose a really good friend.

I tried getting with other girls, and it kind of worked. It didn't feel the same though. The girl didn't fill the hole that Katt left. She is a sweet girl, but I feel like it is just a rebound thing, and I don't want to hurt her.

What do I do MDFF? I am sorry for the long rant no one wants to read. I am just miserable, and I figured a lot of older gentlemen with life experience come here. I could use some.


Hey Kintaro! I read your entire post :) I'm still in my 20's so I still have MUCH to learn about relationships. Normally I would not give my 2 cents, however since you're asking for help I'll give you my 2 cents :)

Now I've sort of been there, done that. In other words I myself was in a similar situation. The thing is...is that it's not really her parents, or her brother, or her ex that's keeping you apart. It's her, and only her. I hope you don't feel like i'm splashing you in the face with cold water or something but let me explain as best as I can.

If she truly loved you as much as you love her, then NOTHING could get between you. Not her parents, her brother, or her ex. If it's her will to be with you then she will be with you. It's like...imagine your parents were the ones who told you that you couldn't date her or whatever. You probably wouldn't let that stop you from seeing her am I right? See my point bro? :)

Don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean she's a bad person, or a cruel liar or whatever. It just means that she's too young for a serious relationship and probably didn't know how to tell you without breaking your heart or hurting your feelings. So she instead used those excuses as an easy way out. She's still young so it's not her fault that she just doesn't know how to express her true feelings to you (which in this case I believe it's that she doesn't want anything serious for the time being).

Whatever you do, don't pressure her for the truth, don't push her to be with you, or anything like that. Just be a good friend to her, as she was and still is to you. Hide those feelings you have and bury them, because if it's not mean't to be then there's nothing more you can do. It only means that you haven't yet found your soulmate, she's still out there. You just have to keep looking and don't give up.

And I wouldn't pull away from her, keep her close, be a good friend to her even if it hurts. She'll always mean something to you and be special, nothing wrong with keeping her as a friend. Better than not having her in your life at all.

I hope all my ramblings sort of made some sense? :p Take care dude, time will heal the heart :)